| 23 | in the shadows

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Something in the Shadows
Cuts you like an arrow
Shifting through the dark
Strength in your weakness
This Fire is in your blood
Hanging from that hope
But everybody knows
There's something in the Shadows
- Amy Stroup

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- Victorine -

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- Victorine -

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When we finally made it back to our lodgings, I ran cold water into the tub, peeled myself out of my dress, and pulled the wig off my head. Sighing, I stared at some point on the bathroom wall and paused there for a few seconds, mindless and paralyzed. Then I got into the tub and submerged my head so that only the frontmost side of my face was in the air.

With my ears underwater, everything sounded so muffled. I could hear every tiny movement of my hands much more clearly, although on the other hand everything sounded much quieter. I wished for a moment that I could lay my head on the bottom of the tub and just look up at the surface of the water for hours.

I closed my eyes. But the darkness of my inner vision morphed into my sister's face and the images I had seen in her mind.

Desperate, I expelled a breath of air, sat up and rubbed my wet hands through my face. I didn't want to think about it, and on the other hand, I compulsively had to think about it all the time.

What I wouldn't give to be flying aimlessly through the night with Deidamia right now. Or to ask my mother what we had done wrong. To ask my father how it could have come to this, that our own family had turned against us.

But I couldn't. Because all of them were dead.

Jerkily, I got out of the tub. The frustrated welter of emotions inside me was hard to bear. I didn't know whether I wanted to scream or cry or stare motionless at the wall.

The water ran down my body as I walked to the sink, propped myself up against it with both hands, and looked in the mirror. The warrior had disappeared. Instead, the reflection had given way to a desperate human being who was trying to prevent a collapse by breathing deeply in and out, and trying to prevent the formation of tears by blinking repeatedly.

I averted my eyes and stared into the sink until my feet became restless. Slowly, I dried myself and put on fresh clothes. Then I left the bathroom and lay down in my bed. Outside of the window, it had already begun to dawn and it was getting darker gradually in the room as well. I closed my eyes and tried to fall asleep, but I felt wide awake. Powerless, tired and exhausted - but wide awake.

After some time, I sat up and looked around the dark room. Finally, I got up and left my room, closing the door behind me. Then I walked down the hall until I stood in front of Nicolas' room door and knocked.

I heard footsteps, then the door opened and Nicolas was standing in front of me. He too had changed his clothes and got rid of his disguise. Candles lit the room and the desk, the bed seemed untouched. Apparently he hadn't been able to sleep either, or hadn't even tried.

Imprecate | ✓On viuen les histories. Descobreix ara