How do I tell him? ~ L.S

37

Louis Tomlinson

There is this sort of unspoken tension between Harry and I, but we're not silent. We talk. We laugh. We talk on stage and in interviews. We even have little conversations backstage or at dinner with the guys.

It's like, we're just getting to know each other again...as friends. As two guys. Not lovers, boyfriends, or best friends.

We're literally starting over.

-with a super heavy tension between us at all times....

Zayn still shows me confused and sad looks because he can read how I really feel... He knows what I miss, what I wish we did differently, but he also knows not to bring it up. 

Niall tries to carry on like nothing happened. Liam can't deny it but he dodges the situation at all costs. Him and Niall are happier than ever. Still secret, but so perfect for each other. They steal little kisses backstage. We all tease them for the hickeys on their collar bones that Lou has to cover with makeup. They exchange looks and knowing smiles when they're in public. It's cute. Really cute. I'm happy for them.

Eleanor doesn't really come around the guys... she just doesn't. It's another thing that no one talks about. It's just kind of an unspoken.

We do go out together a lot. There are many pictures of us on social media now.

Loads of people are calling bullshit on our relationship... and they aren't really wrong but we just keep up the little show. 

Weeks have passed now, since the whole Larry-Photo-Leak and we're just... kind of still dodging it. We don't talk about it. We don't acknowledge it. We ignore it.

Fans see H and I talking like friends. They see Eleanor and I holding hands and walking around like a couple. 

The fans will just have to except it... like me.

I've...

I've excepted it.

I really think I have.

I see her, I hug her. We walk, I grab her hand. I buy her coffee. I know her favorite kind of coffee. I text her first half the time. I make plans with her. I bring her up in conversation.

I'm getting used to it. It feels... natural.

When you're told 'do this' every day, and you do, it just becomes reflex or instinct.

It's hard to be around someone for 5 weeks, hold their hand, hug them, and hang out with them and not be comfortable around them. We just... we kind of click, honestly. She gets me and I get her. We're kind of getting closer. 

Honestly, I can see myself being with her... just... not now. Not soon.

"Hey, is it cool if Eleanor pops in for a minute?" I ask the group.

Niall, Zayn, Liam, Harry, and I are all sitting around the rehearsal room. We're chilling right now because we've just got done rehearsing a new song that we may-or may not- release.

Niall shrugs. Zayn and Liam say "sure", then I look at Harry.

"yeah, no, go for it" he shows a smile

"Thanks. She's bringing me something" I say as I turn my head back to my phone and type a quick 'Yep! Guys are cool with it!'

"What's she bringing you?" Niall asks

"Not food" I laugh. He sinks back into his seat, no longer excited

"What is it then?" Liam asks

"A gift. Not sure what is it. Probably just something small" I shrug and tuck my phone into my pocket.

"Is there a special occasion?" Zayn asks

I shrug. "We've been together for 5 weeks officially. But, no, I think she just got me something"

"5 weeks" Niall mumbles. He frowns a little and stands. "Going to the bathroom."

He leans down, pecks Liam's lips, then walks out.

Someone please change the topic of conversation. Please. Please. 

"I'm going out with Perrie again tonight" Zayn says

Thank god

"Oh, yeah? What're you two doing?" Harry asks quickly

"Movies first. We're gonna see a superhero movie. Then food, someplace nice. Then back to her place.. I'm tired of my hotel bed. " Zayn says with a shrug.

"Oo back to her place" I grin and wiggle my eyebrows at him.

He flips me off and almost makes a remark, probably about Eleanor and I, but stops himself when she comes through the door holding a little gift bag and smiling when she sees me.