Jester

The letter.

Richard knelt in the snow, he was so close to having her back and now she's gone for good. He never got to apologize or even say goodbye.

'How could I have let this happen?' He thought to himself, staring at the now empty tundra. Wally approached him holding his head. He seemed to be just coming around from the knock out Jess administered.

"I tried to stop her. But she gave me this." Wally handed him the red envelope.

"What is this?"

"I don't know. She insisted I give it to you."

Richard looked over the envelope. His name on the front in Jess' handwriting. Gingerly he opened it and pulled out the paper.

Richard,

I'm writing this in case I'm gone tomorrow. And if you're reading this I'm sure you'll know I'm gone. Guess being in a 'should have killed you' accident made me realize there was so much I hadn't gotten to tell you.

So much has changed since the night your family died. We were then both orphans. Until someone saved you from that darkness. You have a family again and I'll do my best to keep this one safe, or at least I was trying to before you got this letter. I knew the death of Jason would take its toll on your team, and I tried to stop J. Honestly I tried so hard, but it didn't matter in the end. I should have died in his place. If I had though you wouldn't be getting this goodbye letter.

Hopefully my death was by my own actions and not by J getting revenge.

I suppose I should tell you how I ended up there. I can still recall, the night you slammed the door on me. You telling me you never wanted to see me again. I was heading back to Haly when it started raining. I had cried the entire walk until I had no more tears. I took shelter under an awning even though I was completely soaked. That's when he ran by me. J was running from Batman. It was so stupid of me to run down the alley after him, but I wanted to make sure he was alright.

I got the scar on my face then. The first of many I would get from J. I helped him get to the harbor where he had a goon patch me up. He was nice to me. He asked where my family was so he could take me back. I told him I was an orphan living at the circus and he said he wanted to keep me. That he'd be my family. I remember feeling like that was my best option. I couldn't go back to you when you wanted nothing to do with me, and I couldn't face Jack with a broken heart. So I hid with Joker.

He taught me the basics and had tutors brought in. They didn't last long though, and one got a little more personal than I realized at the time. J took care of the goon after that incident happened. Harley took care of me. But I learned an important lesson that day. Evil comes in all sorts of colors.

I'd rather not dwell on that though. I made sure to keep J away from the circus for as long as I could. And I remember the first time I saw you as Robin. I can't ever forget the heartache I felt when I saw you smile in your costume.

My meta ability allowed me to spy and collect things for J. I remember catching a glimpse of you on occasion.

I remember you asking me to find myself. You had a photo that was given to Jack as an update. It broke me inside that you couldn't even see that it was me in front of you. I suppose I should apologize for the kiss though. That was unfair of me. You've moved on if the many girls you've dated wasn't clue enough, but I hadn't. Still haven't in fact. I cried that night. J got into one of his moods again and cut a bat shape into my shoulder.

Thanks for the memories. The ones I have of you and your team are the good ones.

I'm sorry Dick, Richard. I suppose we aren't that close of friends for me to use a nickname anymore. But I am sorry for not being able to tell you any of this in person. I am only writing this as a last resort and will probably burn it if I ever get to talk to you as Jessica and not Jester.

I'm sorry I haven't moved on from loving you. I've been in love with you for as long as I can remember. And I don't mean to write this to make you feel bad or worse depending on how you read it. I just thought for once I'd be honest with you about my feelings. I don't blame you. And I forgive you if you feel like any of this is your fault. It isn't. My actions are my own and you don't need to ask forgiveness.

Go be strong for me. For your team. Hopefully I didn't waste myself on something stupid, like saying I'd stay with Joker as a pseudo family. Tell Conner to be strong too. He became my first human friend after you. He deserves some closure too.

I'm almost out of paper. But I just wanted you to know why. Why I did all the things I had done. It was because I wanted to help you and keep you close. I'm sorry for becoming a villain. Maybe in another life I'd be able to become a hero alongside you.

Forever yours, Jessica

Richard had tears trailing down his cheeks as his hands trembled reading the letter. Wally put an arm around him in hopes of comforting him.

Richard screamed at the snow as he held the letter close to his chest. He wanted to talk to her, to hold her again. Since he slammed the door on her all those years ago he could feel the guilt eating him alive. And now he can't even fix that.