The Empress' Descent

Chapter 12 - His Regret

[Derek]

Derek couldn't sleep a wink last night. He had his elbows set on a table, his hands joined together beneath his nose. His eyes were closed shut, his lips pressed.

Sunlight fluttered into his office, and the way they danced as the billowing curtains hit them were beginning to annoy him.

Until now, there was something that kept bothering him. More specifically, this disturbance in his focus had begun the night of the prince's engagement party.

Ever since he met that girl. With her waves of dark-blue hair and deep ocean pupils that glimmer like crystals.

It was not only her resemblance to his Empress that had disturbed him. It was also the matter with how Clary ended up in places only he and Athelina knew.

How she did not flinch when she first laid her gaze on him, all sly smiles and elegance. How she would meet his own eyes without wavering. When most of the women in the palace could hardly look him in the face because of fear. How she'd stand her ground in front of him, unyielding and relentless whenever she talked back.

And lastly, it was the idea she had suggested to those court officials the night before.

Derek had said good night but he followed her, the lingering suspicion still in his guts. He was thankful he did. He heard everything, from the moment Clary crouched behind the vase until her graceful exit as she left the men aghast and disbelieving.

Clary spoke as though she knew exactly what she was doing. As though she was completely confident with every word that came out of her month.

To top it off, she was not supposed to know Lord Frederick's secret. How did she come by with the knowledge? From what Derek knew, only Athelina's most trusted advisors knew of it.

Now, that nobleman would surely give in to the official's requests if he did not want his image to be stained. These days, keeping appearances was a must in order to keep up with noble society.

It was a method Athelina would have used if she were in that situation.

Clary poised like her too, standing tall and determined. As though she was above everything else, positioned on her own pedestal at the top of the world. At that moment, she appeared as if she's looking down at the men, when in fact she was much shorter. She was like a snake ready to feast on her prey.

Like an itch that could not be scratched, Derek was unable to let go of this feeling. He kept turning the thoughts over and over in his mind, desperate for rationality to come to him.

Because amidst all the chaos and disorder in his head, there was one thing taking root inside his chest. It was small, comparable to a seedling. But it was still there.

Hope.

Then when he became close to acknowledging the emotion, he'd whack it away like an annoying fly. Why? Because it sounded stupid and pathetic.

Deep down, he knew fully well that his Empress was dead. Though he could not grasp why hope and longing were such stubborn feelings. And along with them was regret. Regret of not being by her side the night she died, the very place where he was supposed to be at all damn times. What use was being her sword when he couldn't be there when she needed him? He failed her. He failed himself. And maybe that was why he was currently having these thoughts.

'Perhaps you are looking for a different answer.'

'Perhaps you are looking for a different answer.'

'Perhaps you are—'

Clary's words continuously echoed in his mind. He'd spent hours denying it. The next morning, he had thought it to be true. Probably.

Because what if? What if—