The Empress' Descent

Chapter 43 - Unrestraint

The hallway in the third floor of the palace, located at the east wing—secluded and far from the throne room where most of the courtiers idled for days on end. This was why Derek chose this specific place for our stroll. There were no chambers for nobles here, either. No one would see us come and go.

We walked side by side, arms often grazing against each other. We pretended not to notice.

It was quiet, if you took no mind to the rustles of my skirt against the marble floor or the constant chirping of birds or the muffled thuds of Derek's boots. Arched windows lined at the sides on equal intervals, balmy sunlight trickling through the panes. It was a comfortable kind of quiet, the kind I didn't know I needed.

Derek had his hands woven at his back, striding casually as though he had all the free time in the world. I admired how relaxed and worry-free he was at this moment, like he had forgotten our heated conversation that particular night in my bedroom. And he probably had. For me, however, that scene would replay in my mind whenever I saw him. It took a lot of willpower not to think of it whenever I'm with him.

"How did you learn it?" he asked, his gaze trained ahead.

"Learn what?"

"Fighting. You seem rather adept with the blade," he said. "I'm sincerely happy that you are able to get yourself out of trouble. Although I can't help but wonder."

That, I could understand. Nowhere in this empire was a woman given the privilege to learn how to fight. Only men were granted knighthood, prohibiting women from engaging in that field. Mine was a special case, I was a princess and a candidate for the throne. Somehow, the stars had bestowed divine providence telling my people that I would someday lead them to war.

"Ah. I taught myself." I tugged at my sleeves. "There are a great deal of things one can find in books. The techniques and instructions were a bit unclear but I managed to get by."

"Mmm." Derek nodded, as if he wanted to make me think that he truly did believe me. Which I hope was just me overthinking again. "And the Viscount and Viscountess allowed it?"

"Not at first. But with time they got tired of telling me what to do. I have always loved the thought of defending myself and perhaps others, if given the chance. I am not fond of the violent side of it, the blood and the gore."

These days, I was becoming more and more of an expert in lying. Still, those lies slid out my throat hot and painful like burning charcoal.

"Your ideals fascinate me, Clary." Amusement colored his voice. "You are similar to this special woman I knew. Headstrong and sizzling with determination."

I inclined my head to the side. "I do not need to guess who you are speaking of, do I?"

I'd realized it before. His searching gaze as he peered into my eyes every time we talked, as though he was looking for some semblance of his Empress in me. And I worked hard to hide those semblances. Maybe.

"Yes, you don't have to," he chuckled. "However, you and Athelina are very different as well."

I almost halted on my tracks. "How so?"

"She was not reckless, unlike you who charges into a situation while coming up with a plan only after the disaster has taken place. She did not trust others and if possible, would do the work by herself." He exhaled. "And she did not look at me the same way as you do."

My feet stopped and so did Derek's. I admit, my current situation pushed me to adapt and utilize what I had now. But it seems that I'd truly changed. Though I wasn't sure yet if this was good for me or not.