Sign of the past

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WARNINGS: fighting, screaming, mention of flashback

"Natasha, why in hell would you say something like that?" I scream at her with tears in my eyes. She said something that really hurt me. She doesn't know much about my past, only Bucky does, a bit. That's what kind of started it all but saying I would cheat on her and would not be fully committed to her, just huts. She knows exactly how hard it is for me to show love and that me and Bucky go far more back in time. I have known him since I was a little kid. He was there for most of it so I didn't really have to tell him.

"Y/N!..." She sighs. "Y/N look I don't know, I'm sorry. It's just you never really talk to me about your past and I won't force you but every time when something is up now you also don't come to me, you go to Bucky, everytime. You know I would never force you to talk but I really want to be there for you and it's so frustrating that you won't let me. I just wanna be there for you honey." She is upset. "I- I'm sorry Tasha, I am really so sorry." I whisper and my tears start to fall silently. "I know honey, I-" Natasha walks towards me and wants to hug me but I flinch away. It was just a small movement but of course she noticed it. She takes a step back again from me and looks kind of shocked at me.

"A-Are you scared of me?" She asks in disbelief.

"No- Natasha- I-..." "Safe it Y/N, now it all makes sense, of course you wouldn't come to me if you are scared of me:" I heard in her voice that it hurt her a lot but her face was ice cold. "Natasha please lis-" She just walked out. She didn't even listen to me. I walked back to my bed and broke down.

The next few days were rough, they all noticed something was up with me and Tasha, well it wasn't hard. While eating she sat herself away from me and I, I stopped eating, talking, everything. I stayed most of the time in my room and let no one near. Well the only one who really tried was Bucky. He was there everyday even if he would just sit there on the floor for hours.

He did this every day till today, today was my breaking point, I couldn't take it anymore. I locked myself up in my bathroom before he entered my room. I couldn't hold myself together, I started crying and screaming. What I didn't know was that I forgot to silent the bath as well as my room.

No one's pov:

Most of the Avengers were downstairs in the living room while Bucky was on his way to Y/N room again. On his way a panicking Wanda ran to him. "Wanda, what's the matter?" He asks worriedly. "Y/N, she is screaming and doesn't answer so I went to s-" Wanda didn't come any further because Bucky starts to run to Y/N's room.

"Y/N, open the door!" He was in pure panic. He knows her just too long to be cool in a situation like that. He knows all of her darkness, even if she doesn't really talk about anything. He was there for most of it. "Y/N open up now!" Again he didn't get any answer, she just went quiet. "Open up or I open it and you know I will." That's when he could hear a quiet click and the door opened slightly.

Bucky carefully opens the door and goes in. It was dark so he switched the light on and found her on the floor. He slowly approaches her and sees how she reacts with physical touch. She just let it happen so he picks her up and carries her over to her bed.

"Doll, tell me now what's wrong?" Y/N just hid her face in Buckys neck. "Doll, please, what happened between you and Nat?" "Nothing." Y/N whispers. "And now the truth." He says warmly. Bucky always somehow managed to comfort Y/N. "We fought, after it, she just wanted to hug me but the fight brought up a lot of stuff from back there so when she raised her hand, it was just a reflex. She didn't let me explain so what if I am now the reason her biggest fear became true, her deepest thought." "Oh Y/N, doll, you have nothing to do with Natashas thoughts. You can't chan-"

"Y/N, I heard something was up, is everything o- oh Bucky is here, well then everything should be fine." Natasha came into Y/N's room but wanted to leave again. "Tasha, can we talk please." Y/N begs. "Your actions told me enough." She whispers back. Her voice was broken. "Natasha, can you please listen and Y/N, I think it's time to open up a bit." Bucky now said and left us with that.

"Natasha, I am so very sorry. The fight we had brought stuff up from my past and I got flashbacks so when you raised your hand, it was just a reflex. I know I hurt you with it but Nat please, I am so sorry." Natasha sits down on the bed next to her. "It made me feel like I am really a monster, that my fears became true." A single tear is rolling down Natashas cheek. "I am so, so deeply sorry. How can I make this up to you again?" Natasha carefully raises her hands and taks Y/N's face in it. "Can you please start to talk to me, honey?"

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