fourty six

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Montana
Hours later

I stared to her cold, empty body.

She was breathing, she had a heart beat, but somehow- I could feel that she wasn't here.

I had already signed all of the papers.

Noah had already cried in my face, yelled at me continuously and Luke had security kick him out, just until I was ready.

"We are set up and ready, whenever you are." Harry told me quietly.

I nodded firmly.

"Thank you" I whispered to her.

"I'm not going to sit here and lie to you because you're dying and tell you that you were a good mother." I spoke to her.

"But what you're about to do is going to make myself and so many other people so happy, and I know that you'll be able to feel it." I felt my tears forming as I spoke to her.

"I love you." I squeezed her hand tightly.

I stood, nodding to Harry

"Just let Noah say his goodbyes." I told him, seeing him nod back to me.

I then went into Austin's room, where they were prepping him for surgery.

They let me sit in the bed with him, I held his hands firmly.

"I told you" I spoke to his body.

I kissed his knuckles firmly as Luke came in, rubbing my shoulders gently.

"Now don't do anything stupid and die on the walk from here to the OR, because I would totally be mad at you." I spoke, hearing Luke laugh lightly.

"See you soon, my baby."

Luke walked me to my room door- telling me he was going to make sure that Harry didn't need anything- which I of course agreed to, leaving him and entering my room, where Noah was packing his stuff.

"Where are you going?"  I asked him slowly.

He froze, looking straight ahead, out the window.

"To a hotel- just to give you and I some space from each other." He spoke quietly, making tears run down my cheeks immediately.

"Is that why you have a plane ticket in your hand?" I asked. 

He turned towards me, his face showing that he was crying.

"I need time to myself." He spoke to me firmly.

I nodded slowly.

"Do you have any intentions of coming back?" I asked him.

He cleared his throat, looking away from me.

"I will send you money once a month, it will be enough to live off of for each month." He told me.

A tear slipped down my cheek as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"And when I'm cancer free?" I asked him.

"Call me, we will discuss what we want to do when that time comes." He spoke with no emotion.

I wiped my tears as he turned to me, putting his bag on his shoulder.

"I wish you the best." He spoke to me firmly.

I nodded.

He stared at me for a moment more, making me exhale.

And without another word, he walked out.

I sat in the window of my room, watching him get into an Uber, leaving.

I held my tears, knowing I would figure this out.

About forty minutes later, Calum walked in- seeing my state and immediately hugging me.

I ended up falling to my knees, making him fall as well, him holding me as tightly as he could as I full blown sobbed into his chest.

He held me for a while, never asking what was wrong.

I'm sure he could assume the basics due to talk around the hospital about my mom.

"Where's Noah?" He asked me once I stopped crying and was actually able to breathe.

"He's not coming back."

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