Drowning Beneath The Waves

Chapter 4

It's an exact replica of last night. The only difference is that Drew's present this time. I can almost recite it from memory. Tumbling head over tail in the whirlpool, sounds and images coalescing. This time, however, I don't even try to free myself.

I'm once again forced to watch as my family stares at me with such horror and shock on their faces. "Faye... Oh my gods, Faye. What have you done?" My older brother's voice is filled with such shock and horror that I almost can't bear it. The me outside the whirlpool reaches out to him, pleading, but he shakes his head.

I'm speechless. Even if it's not really me, I can still feel the shame and grief surging through me. When a hand lands on my shoulder, I slowly turn away from the scene in front of me.

Kailani floats beside me, her eyes filled with shame. I'm not sure how she's inside the whirlpool with me, but she's there nevertheless. "Such a disappointment, really. We'd all hoped you'd take to your new title more... enthusiastically." She says the word like being a Siren is as exciting as winning a cometball game.

Incredulous, I splay my arm out, indicating the various bodies outside the whirlpool. "Why in the gods' names would I be enthusiastic about this? Murdering innocent mermaids and mermen? Taking mothers, fathers, away from their children? Turning children into orphans?" I can feel the rage building up inside me, like a jellyfish poised to strike.

My hands curl into fists as I shoot her a glare. But she's not looking at me anymore. Instead, her gaze is fixed on something outside the whirlpool. When I follow her gaze, I immediately wish I hadn't. Mom is sobbing, screaming something I can't make out. Dad is clutching her in his arms, face pale with grief and shock.

What makes me stop dead, however, guilt and shock and shame nearly choking me, is the expression on Drew's face. His eyes are locked on me—again, the me outside the whirlpool—filled with tears of shame and shock and guilt. When I look at myself, I choke on a scream.

Every bad thought I've ever had about myself—every terrible emotion I've ever felt—is displayed on my face for all to see. Anxiety; depression; shame; guilt. That voice in the very back of my head, the one that I desperately try to silence every single day, rears its ugly head.

Who are you kidding? You're nothing but a murderer. Just like your aunts. You're worthless. You should be ashamed. No wonder your family hates you. Even Waverly is ashamed to be seen with you.

I clap a hand over my mouth to muffle the sob, the scream building up inside me, but I quickly realize that no one can hear me. So I don't. I suck in a lungful of water, then scream as loud as I can. The scream ends in a ragged, broken sob as I sink to the seafloor.

A loud gasp escaped my mouth as I woke up. For a minute, I didn't know where I was. The last thing I remembered was receiving the note from Kailani... then nothing.

A lump formed in my throat, but the tears never came. I cast a quick glance at the window, gauging the time. Dusk was slowly darkening the water. I'd slept that long again?

As if in answer to my unspoken question, a gentle knock sounded on my door. "Come in," I called out as I got out of bed and swam into my closet. I quickly pulled on a red-and-black dress, balling my hands into fists to hide their trembling.

My head felt foggy and muddled, every stroke like moving through thick mud. When my suite door opened, it took everything in me not to flinch. Drew, Mom, and Dad swam inside, the latter shutting the door behind them.

The concern in their eyes stole the water from my lungs, made my heart skip a beat. Mom opened her mouth to speak, but before she could so much as utter a sound, another gentle knock sounded on the door. Confusion surfaced in her and Dad's eyes as they glanced at the door, then back at me.