Drowning Beneath The Waves

Chapter 10

I was shaking as I swam out of my suite and headed to the infirmary. I tried my hardest to appear calm on the outside, but on the inside my heart was beating a panicked frenzy. What if he really did blame me for what happened? I didn't know if I could bear it.

Tears blurred my vision as I approached the infirmary doors. I hurriedly blinked them away as I swam inside, my calm façade quickly cracking. My heart was pounding, fear nearly choking me. A mermaid I vaguely recognized from the last time I'd been here—Coco was her name—swam up to me, a concerned expression on her face.

Her eyes softened as they scanned my face. "Your Highness. Do you remember me?" The kindness in her voice nearly broke me.

I nodded, swallowing hard. "I—I'm here to see Jonah Maxwell." My voice wavered slightly, but did not break.

She nodded, gesturing for me to follow her. "If your brother had waited to bring him in..." My heart jumped into my throat as she trailed off. "It could have been much worse. As I'm sure you already know, the dagger went clean through his shoulder blade, barely missing one of his lungs. Luckily, we were able to remove the dagger, but he has a long road of healing ahead of him."

We reached his room a few minutes later and I sucked in a breath. It wasn't until I raised a hand to knock that I realized I was shaking. I took another deep, steadying breath and knocked. When I opened the door, my heart slammed to a halt.

Jonah's eyes were closed, but he opened them at the sound of the door. He was shirtless, a large bandage stretching from the top of his shoulder around his shoulder blade. "Faye." His voice was rough and hoarse as he spoke.

When he made to push himself up to a sitting position, I was moving before I even registered the hint of pain passing across his face. I quickly shook my head as I moved in front of him, tears filling my eyes and spilling down my cheeks. "You could have been—" I abruptly stopped as he put a finger against my lips. His eyes were clear, no hint of pain or exhaustion in them.

He took my hand, eyes never leaving my face. "You have no reason to blame yourself. You did nothing wrong." At his words, I started sobbing again.

He didn't understand. No one did. Because I did blame myself. I blamed myself for everything—not reacting fast enough, not anticipating the attack, not being able to defend him.

Every single time I closed my eyes, I saw those images from my nightmare, over and over—the expressions on the guards' faces when they looked at me, Jonah limp and lifeless in the first guard's arms. I remembered the sound of his breathing, wet and raspy. Saw myself lean down and put my head on his chest, listening to his heart beat once, twice, before finally faltering.

I was almost hysterical now, face tear-streaked and pale. Concern surfaced in his eyes as he opened his mouth. "Faye?"

The word hadn't even finished echoing before I was moving, swimming out of his room and speeding down the hallway. Ignoring the curious and concerned glances being thrown my way, I kept going. I finally faltered as I approached the exit of the infirmary. Backed up against a wall and wrapped my arms around myself.

Everything—the shame, guilt, anger, depression—came flooding out in a torrent of tears. My chest was heaving, every breath like a dagger slicing through me. I'm not sure how long I stayed there, but when I finally lifted my head—finally ran out of tears—a blurry figure floated in front of me.

I blinked a few times before my vision finally cleared. "Faye? Honey, can you hear me?" Mom's voice filled my ears, broke through the haze that had settled over me.

"Mom?" I heard my voice, but it didn't register in my head. I knew that if I could have looked at myself, I would have seen blank eyes staring back at me.