The Music in My Heart 2

Chapter 18

Carter's pov

Eleanora's off to work, I know we arranged Saturday for us to have dinner and talk things out about the concert and what music...

...what if this is too much- not for me but for her?

The other night, she was crying out of fear of what might happen to me mentally if I take on this much pressure. But I keep saying I don't feel any pressure whatsoever- could I be desensitized or something?

Everyone else has their concerns about this and yet- I'm not bothered... at all.

Maybe I'm the one that needs a closer look...

there's always therapy with Lillian...

...Eleanora...

She's seen the worst of the worst happen to me: my injury before auditioning for the symphony, panic attacks, burn out, my own dad disabling me... she knows all of it and has witnessed me crumbling apart after every hardship.

I reminisce about the conversation we had not that long ago, I told her I'd walk away from this whole thing if she wasn't the conductor leading this performance.

Is she putting up with this because she knows I won't do this if she isn't there- that as long as I'm doing what's best for me, it's okay?

And the price is at the expense of her comfort?

I'm not okay with that- at all.

I felt- upset?

No, angry.

I grabbed my keys and headed out my complex driving up street to the auditorium where they held rehearsals.

The tires screeched as I parked the car and familiar faces were surprised to see me.

"Oh my-

"Look mom, I told you she'd come back!" A fellow musician called.

I pushed through both double doors to find the sign in table unattended and the ensemble down the hallway filled with people but none of who I'm looking for.

The office- or whatever-

Im gonna find it.

I started marching down random halls trying to open doors and taking the locked ones as dead ends.

"Excuse me, can I help you?" Security stopped me.

"Bishop's office- please, I'm really lost," I broke my assertive and confident tone and instantly became soft as I held up my student pass for the program.

"Right this way," he gestured me.

Thank god I kept it on me..

...

"You know you gave me scare with the way you were moving around on the security cameras?" The security guard made conversation.

"I have something really important to take care of," I scratched the back of my head with a defeated smile.

"You should've seen your face- ma'am, you even had me scared," he made me laugh.

"I'm serious! Those icy eyes, the scary base I'm your voice, the assertiveness in your voice- I thought we were gonna end up on the news or something", he was exaggerating with his arms.

"Heh, I've already been on the news. Not sure about everyone else here," I smiled.

"If we do, I'd like my face intact. Here we are," he tipped his hat before walking off.