Chapter 7

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"Listen everyone! This coming Saturday is your recollection. Attendance is a must. And on May 30, it is your graduation. After your recollection, all you need to do is practice. Goodbye." That's all she said, and she left the classroom.
 
Malapit nang magtapos... There's a part of me that wants to graduate; there's also a part of me that doesn't want to, and I wish graduation would be extended so that I would have a chance to see him every day.
 
Pero yung nakita ko ngayon lang, ay nakakasiguro na akong gusto ko ng grumaduate. He's happy with someone; he's happy with his new circle of friends...
 
What if they're just low-key? What if they secretly talk every night? What if it's her? What if she is the one Kerri says he loves? What if she is the reason for the past?
 
Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanila at dahil bored ako ay kumuha ako ng papel at ballpen, planong magsulat-sulat.
 
Dinadaan ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko sa pagsusulat. Sa pagsusulat nailalabas ko lahat ng nararamdaman ko. It's better to write than post on social media. What are my thoughts and feelings? Writing is one of my comfort zones. But Luna made me realize that it is better to be alone in the dark than being happy with the wrong person  you are with. The nature made me realize that sometimes I just need rest when I'm tired by watching their beautiful view... Sunsets proved that goodbyes can be beautiful too. Sunrise made me realize that I need to rise when I'm feeling down.
 
At heto na nga ang naisulat ko...
 
Stars in the night skies
Shines so bright like your eyes
You caught my attention.
Now, give me your attention.
In a world full of lies
I'm here listening to your lies.
Finding where the love is
I'm here, craving your hugs and kisses.
In the midst of the crowd
I see no one but you, my love.
There's no us.
But there's a lust
Because of what you did
We're both infatuated.
Now, baby, don't act.
But accept the fact
That whoever admits to you that they like you
Will stay forever with you.
I deserve you.
But do I truly deserve you?
Your actions just showed me
proven that you don't deserve me.
Yes, baby, there's lust.
But I know this will never last.
I'm still holding on,
Someday, I can move on.
I can't wait for the day.
Where we both lost our way
That day when I almost loved you
You avoid me, like you always do.
If that's what you want,
Then, let me admire you more, like I want...
 
After I wrote that, I couldn't help but smile while being slapped by the truth.
 
That not everyone will stay... It's like entering the house to cause trouble and leaving the house as if nothing happened.
 
When the bell rang, my classmates came out to take recess. When suddenly I heard her talking to him.
 
"Go to my debut, Daryll... You are my last dance as one of the 18 roses." I tried not to look at them when I heard that.
 
"Advance happy birthday, then."
 
"HAHAHA! Thank you. I will expect you there, honey!" Tsaka na siya lumabas
 
Binalingan ko sina Anne at nahuli ko siyang nakatingin dun sa babae at inirapan ito samantalang si Kerri naman ay hinead to foot ang babae.
 
"Janny ikaw?"
 
"I'm still full. You guys go first."
 
"Okay." And they left.
 
When I noticed that I was left alone, I leaned on the chair, put my arms over my face to cover it, and started singing.
 
"Everybody needs somebody, yeah, and you got me; you know that I know that you know that. I'll be there for the highs and lows, give you mine if your heart gets broke. By your side when you're all alone. I will be there. When you're down on your luck, things get tough when you have enough. When you fall down, Imma pick you up. I will be there."
 
"Hayy ang pangit, natutulog yung tao dito." I stopped singing, and I adjusted my seat when he interrupted my singing.
 
"Takpan mo yang tenga mo." Sagot ko sa kanya. Naiinis ako sa ewan.
 
"Redflag ka talaga."
 
"Pinatulan mo naman."
 
"Ginusto mo naman."
 
"Correction. Natin. Ginusto natin." I looked at him, and he brought the chair and sat next to me.
 
"Hmm. You screamed my name, right?"
 
"And you moaned..." I replied to his teasing.
 
"You moaned my name; I moaned, and we both reached the climax, right?" I closed my eyes at what he said and took a deep breath because I felt like I was going to explode with embarrassment.
 
"S-shut up."
 
"I won't."
 
"Fvck Daryll."
 
"You are the only one I want to fuck, babe. I don't want to fuck somebody else."
 
"W-why?" Please...
 
"You are different..."
 
"Paanong pagkakaiba?"
 
"In a way of giving me a pleasure that no one else can..."
 
Infatuation... 
 
Sinubukan kong umatras, pero lumapit din siya. So I stood up, but he also stood up, so I retreated until my back hit the wall, and I knew what was going to happen next, just like the books I was reading, and I was not wrong when he locked me between his arms.
 
"Boys on Wattpad do this? Right?" He says.
 
Inangat ko ang tingin ko at nagkatitigan kami. Ngumiti ako na parang napipilitan para di mahalata na kinilig ako.
 
"Yes, but you and my husbands on Wattpad are different." I'm telling the truth. I was about to leave, but he pushed me back and brought me even closer.
 
Now it's my turn...
 
"What's the difference between me and your husbands in that fvcking wattpad, Janny? Tell me..." He said it seriously.
 
You are different because the men there fight their feelings for the person they love. They don't give up even if they have to wait for a long time, not like you.
 
"Let me go, Daryll."
 
"I will never let you go."
 
My heart beat faster at what he said. Shucks!
 
"Why Daryll? How did you say those words, knowing that you had already surrendered? Nakakagago ka." Matapos kong sabihin ang mga linyang yun ay umalis ako at dumaan sa ilalim ng mga braso niya.
 
"Janny..." I stopped walking out of the room when I heard his voice calling my name. "I just want to say that..."
 
"What Daryll?" Halos pabulong ko ng sabi.
 
"Nevermind. I could just hide it in my box and keep it locked as long as I could." Sabi niya tsaka ako umalis na wala na sa sarili.
 
P*tang*na...
 
Anong ibig sabihin nun? Naguguluhan ako sa kanya na pati na din sa sarili ko ay naguguluhan na ako. Hindi ko alam kung mayron ba o wala kasi parang mababaliw na ako kakahanap o kakaramdam kung mayron nga ba.
 
Dumiretso ako sa cr ng hindi ko malaman kung saan ako pupunta. Hindi naman sana ako aalis, pero dahil nandun siya ay aalis na lamang ako bago pa bumigay ang katawan ko.
 
"Why are you always avoiding me, Daryll? You avoid me like there's nothing happened between us." It hurts...
 
I just want to know why you did all of those things.
 

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