Anaxiphilia | Taekook Fanfic

Entrance into a twisted life

Life continues. No matter what happens it continues. Life doesn't care if you are living with someone you need and want the most isn't here with you. It doesn't care if you are living in a prison, trash, graveyard or even loopholes. It will continue. The pulse with continue to beat until you can't bear everything anymore and take your own life, that's how Taehyung would have loved to put the condition of his life.

The home in which he lived with his step brother felt like a prison. Without his presence in it. Although, Jungkook didn't really spend most of his time in the house, but whenever he did he made the house feel more like a home to Taehyung. Or maybe, the unwanted love growing everyday in his heart had him missing him more than he should. But....that's what Jungkook has been making him do since the start.

Making him want and desire things which he shouldn't. Making him feel things he shouldn't. But, he did it. He did everything and trapped himself in stinging holes in which he shouldn't even have glanced at.

1 week, 5 days, and 7 hours to be exact. That's how long Jungkook has gone and hasn't reached back to him. Not even once.

Everything would've been a little relieving and convincing if Jungkook hadn't burst out on him like that in the morning. It would've been a little less aching if Jungkook hadn't left the house without hugging him or even glancing back at him. Taehyung was sure if Jungkook had seen the look on his face, then he would've noticed the dried tears on his cheeks.

At least then he would've known that Taehyung never wanted to suffocate him by caring for him. At least then Taehyung would've let him know that he never intended to make Jungkook feel that way and he cannot help it. He cannot help but care for him like that. It's the only thing he can be open about.

Care and affection. These are the only things Taehyung can allow to leave his heart and flow it over Jungkook. The only things he can make to reach Jungkook without being afraid of losing him and their little moments. But, seeing how Jungkook snapped that way, he was sure that he had fucked up in showing those two only things too and just manage them somewhere in himself.

Now, in the time of living in the house alone, he had come to conclusion to put everything at minimum. Whether it was his care, affection or- love.

Also, the irritation in Jungkook’s voice that day had made him see things from another view too.

If his care and affection irritated Jungkook to that extent, then how would his love irritate him?

Taehyung could imagine how callous and devastating the results would be. He could imagine, and that thought put him in more downhearted and forlorn state than before.

He had tried not to soak up his pillow under the thick nights when he couldn't sleep while thinking of him. He tried his best not to open up their years long chats and listen to Jungkook’s alive and excited voice telling him almost every single detail of his day and life in general.

He tried his best not the cling to the phone, not to press the screen over his chest with Jungkook’s voice note playing and cry like a small child who wanted something he couldn't have. But the difference was that he was past the age of forgetting about the things he wanted. And, it wasn't just the case of a toy. It was person.

A person who was his brother. A person who he had suffocated by his overflowing care. A person who hadn't texted him or even called him once in last whole week and five days.

Twice. Two times he had spent his nights in Jungkook’s bed. After coming from work and knowing that Jungkook wasn't home, he had spent his evenings doing his late assignments and making Seojoon's schedule in Jungkook’s bed, wearing his hoodie and sweatpants and his blanket almost hiding him in.