Safety in The Form Of a Knight (Madeleine x Espresso)

18. Wherever you are

Espresso gasped as he stood up. He stumbled back, dazed. Madeleine was standing in the corner. Alive.

Espresso stared at the figure, eyes wide. It looked exactly like Madeleine. But... Madeleine was dead. His breathing grew faster and he trembled as he leaned against the table as support

"No. I must be dreaming." Espresso urgently thought, quickly looking back down at an open book laying on his desk as he pretended he didn't see it. Tears started to cloud his vision. "Or I'm hallucinating. Yes. That's it. It's just a hallucination." His eyes slowly trailed back up toward the figure in the corner. It looked so real... And he'd never had a hallucination of a person before. He turned back to the book, pretending to read it.

Still desperately trying not to turn his attention to the figure, he felt a single tear fall from his eyes and roll down his face.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw the Madeleine figure walk towards him. He felt it lay a freezing cold hand on his shoulder, and he jumped. His shoulder felt tingly where it touched him. This wasn't a hallucination. It couldn't be.

But it wasn't a dream either. It felt too real.

"Espresso." His voice didn't sound like Madeleine's at all. All the sweetness and joy in his voice were gone. It was... Harsher. Meaner.

He didn't pay any attention to him. Maybe if he just ignored him, he would leave him alone.

"Don't ignore me." He tightened his grip on Espresso's shoulder.

Espresso felt his body tense up.

"Don't ignore me!!" Madeleine repeated loudly, turning Espresso's body to face him.

Espresso felt his heart sink as Madeleine's eyes stared into his soul. He didn't look like Madeleine at all—the color and life were completely drained from his body. He looked like a shadow, slightly flashing in and out of view.

Espresso couldn't keep his tears back anymore, and they flooded down his face as he sunk to the ground, shaking. "No! I-I don't understand!" He sobbed, desperately trying to stop himself from crying so hard. "Madeleine's dead, how are you here!?" Espresso cupped his hands over his mouth, millions of thoughts running through his mind.

The Madeleine figure was slightly transparent, and whenever Espresso tried to look directly at him, he couldn't focus on him and he seemed to move back to his peripheral vision. It had to be a hallucination. A very, very  vivid hallucination.

The Madeleine figure knelt in front of him, lifting his face so their eyes met again.

God, those eyes. They were as red as blood, and they were piercing through his very being.

But weren't his eyes blue?

Maybe he was going insane.

"You killed me, Espresso."

Espresso blinked the tears back, his body still shaking extremely violently "...What?"

"You're the reason I'm dead." His eyes narrowed. "If you had realized I wasn't getting better, I would still be alive right now." His voice had a slight echo, but it was still loud and clear, like it was coming from inside his own mind.

Espresso opened his mouth to say something back, but nothing came out. He lowered his head, tears still falling down his face. Although he tried so hard to convince himself that it wasn't his fault, he knew Madeleine was right. If he had paid better attention, everything would've been okay.

Unimaginable amounts of guilt filled his body. The thought that Madeleine was dead and he was alive made him sick. He was terrible for letting Madeleine die while he got to live freely.