My Life Without Her

-Her-

"Wait!" He exclaimed as I slammed the door in his face. What was he doing here?! How does he even know where I live?! "Please let me in."

"How'd you get my address?" I said through the other side of the door

"Danielle gave it to me." I heard him murmur, I groaned quietly "Angel..." I bit my bottom lip to suppress a sob as I covered my mouth with my hand "please."

"What do you want, Lucas?" I breathed as I cracked the door open, he looked at me in shock since my eyes brimmed with tears "What do you want after all this time?"

"To explain." He breathed and I shook my head with a scoff as I wiped my eyes quickly with the back of my hand "You deserve one."

"Maybe; but I don't want one." I snapped "Not anymore."

"Angel..." He whispered, I shuddered as I shook my head

"Don't." I snapped "Please don't." I didn't want to hear this, not now. I was happy, things were starting to get better and he just had to come in and ruin everything! "Please leave." I whispered as I wrapped my arms around myself, casting my gaze downwards

"Please let me explain."

"Explain what?!" I exclaimed "You said everything you needed to that day so what is there to explain?!" I said, my voice cracking at the end as I sniffled "I called, you didn't answer. I wrote, you didn't write back. I get it." I snapped "I don't want to hear what you have to say."

"I still love you." He whispered and I shut my eyes tightly as I bit my bottom lip "Always have, always will."

"Lucas..." I whispered as I shook my head "it's too late."

"But what if it's not?" He said as he reached out for me and gripped my forearms tightly "What if this is a sign? That we're meant to be together, after all this time."

"No, Lucas." I said as I shook my head "I can't." I whispered "I'm with Nate now, and... I love him."

"Is that what you tell yourself every time you see your book? The title of it?" I snapped and she looked at me in shock "Yeah, I read it." He added "Does he even know about me? What the book is really about?"

"That's not important." I said as I shook my head, he scoffed

"He doesn't." He said as he nodded while rubbing his jaw; there was a long moment of silence, before he spoke again "Look, I came to apologize for what I put you through."

"Lucas, stop." I said as I sniffled, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand "That was years ago, its done."

"No, it's not." He said with a slight groan "What can I say so you'll believe me?"

"It's not going to change anything, Lucas." I said as I shook my head "Maybe it would've before I met Nate, if we weren't together, but not anymore." I whispered

"Do you really love him?" He whispered as he looked down, I bit my lip before nodding slightly and whispering

"Yeah, I do." Hurt flashed across his eyes before he turned away from me and shook his head

"If I would've called or written back..." He said, not meeting my gaze "do you think we'd still be together?" I shrugged softly

"I was so in love with you back then, it probably would've made a big difference." I said with a shrug "Why are you asking me this?"

"I needed answers." He shrugged "To see how my future would've been if I hadn't made the biggest mistake of my life."

"And what mistake is that?" I breathed and his lips curved into a smile

"Letting the girl I love slip through my fingers." He whispered and I shut my eyes tightly, I heard him coming closer, before I felt him cup my face as he pressed his lips on my forehead, a single tear from his eyes falling on my cheek "I'm so sorry, Angel." He breathed "You don't know how much I wish I could take it back." I sighed deeply before closing my eyes and sniffling "Congratulations on your engagement."

******

"How could you give him my address, Dani?" I groaned as I covered my face with my hands "How could you do that to me?" I whispered

"What? You think I planned him ambushing me in my house begging for an apology, El?" She snapped "He hurt me too, not just you. I'm just as hurt as you are."

"I'm sorry." I whispered and she nodded softly as she wrapped one arm around me, pulling me into a hug as Dinah looked at us with a small smile "Are you okay?" She whispered and I merely nodded as I bit my lip

"Yeah." I breathed "Just processing what he said and everything..." I said as I shook my head while blinking

"What did he say?" Dinah asked cautiously and I sighed deeply, running my hands through my hair

"He said he still loves me." I muttered and the girls gasped

"Oh, El..." Dinah whispered as she gripped my hand "What did you say?" She asked and I scoffed

"That I love Nate, obviously." I muttered "You should've seen the look on his face..." I whispered "he looked so hurt..."

"What else did he tell you?" She asked and I chuckled lightly

"He read my book." I muttered and the girls gasped "He asked if Nate knew about it; what the book was about and everything."

"What are you going to do?" Dani asked and I shrugged

"I honestly don't know."

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Picture of Phoebe Tonkin on the side as Danielle Lewis.