Rise of The Fallen (unedited Version) (COMPLETED)

chapter 34

(Sexual content rating: 🔥  🔥)

–kora–

Despite our current location, despite the circumstances of our meeting, and despite everything that has happened to me over the past couple of months. Something about this just felt…right.

A startled gasp escaped my lips as Elazar pressed his body flush against mine, pinning me up against the tree behind me. Grabbing hold of his face I crashed my lips against his in a kiss and without hesitation he opened up to me. 

Closing my eyes I started us off slow, melting into the feel of him, the taste. I always hated kissing max… he always tasted and smelled of cigarette smoke. Yet despite my desire to do so as little as possible he seemed to want to do it more and more, even if it was uncomfortable or disgusting for me.

It was as if my distaste for it made him just want to do it more and more. Only now that he's gone do I see how fucked up that really was. And it wasn't just with kissing. It was with everything we did. He always had to have this sense of control over me, he made me do things I didn't want and when I denied him he would always say how I should be grateful for his affection but instead I just treat him like garbage, even if it was the other way around. And every time I would seek something from him, and seek his affection he would just push me away. So I stopped.

I stopped caring about myself. I stopped trying to get the love and care I wanted so badly. And I stopped making my own choices. I let him control me how he wanted for so long…

But With Elazar, It feels different. He is different. He is willing to give affection to me, and for once I'm actually willing to accept it. 

That first kiss was a spur of the moment kind of deal for me, part of me longed for the attention I had been denied for so long and Elazar had seemed reasonable enough. I wanted to thank him for what he's given me, for what he's done for me. And to my surprise when I went to repay him I wasn't repulsed afterwards. I didn't want to pull away, and he didn't push for more like I had expected. 

That single moment shared between us changed my entire perspective on the man before me. I no longer saw him as someone who just wanted to butter me up and use me. 

Seeing Elazar's concern for me, the clear panic and fear in his eyes when he thought he had hurt me was so strange. No one had ever reacted towards me in such a way. When he started beating himself up I saw a side of him that reflected onto my own past. I saw myself from several months ago, living a life of pain and misfortune. 

I had told him exactly what I wished someone had told me back then. Because now I know I'm not so weak or useless. I'm not expendable. I'm my own person now. 

But like a drug that self doubt and pain from the past always manages to creep up on me and I end up looking down into the deep pit of sorrow that I crawled out of. Standing on the edge, just one step from falling back inside that abyss and relapsing.

Lately El has been the one to pull me away from that hole of despair, he's helped me to remember that I'm not so useless and I am more. He seems something in me that I've been blind to my entire life and I see him for who he truly is.

My heart still hurts after the years of mistreatment. But for once It feels like it's finally starting to heal.

Wrapping my arms around Elazar's neck and entwining my fingers into his hair I deepen the kiss, relishing the moment. 

This was something I wanted, something I craved. And it was far more enjoyable than any experience I've ever had before.

Breaking the kiss, El started trailing his lips down the side of my neck, nipping and sucking at the sensitive skin causing pleasurable  tingles to travel down my spine and to my toes. Biting my lip I pulled him in even closer, with my legs wrapped tightly around his waist.