Teenage Veracity

He's always here

I can feel Him. I don't consider myself someone who's a perfect candidate for goodness and righteousness, but He's still everywhere. He lives inside me. He never leaves me, for He knows I'll still need Him.

The villain is my own mind, and all of my miseries have made me colorblind to the truth. I deliberately turned my back because it's hard to always do what's right. I keep missing my old life, so I keep going back to it. But He's still here.

The works of the enemy tarnished my heart; I can never erase its ink, and I can't turn it back to being pure again. I keep on considering the dark side, cheating to have a touch with it and indulge in the pleasure it gives, and then I go back to setting myself right again. I say I'll never do it again, but I know I'll do it. And He knows it too, but He's still here.

When storms and thunder shatter my soul, I gather all the blame there is and throw it at Him. I never receive any throwbacks. All I receive is love. I never set my life straight, always stumbling along the way, raging eyes glaring, and punishing Him for being wild. I deliberately blinded myself away from His words, but still, He's here.

I know I'm not worth it in every area of my life. I complained a lot and limited my love. A drop of sin escalates throughout my soul, and it should separate me from Him. He didn't. I wreck our relationship and keep on yelling at Him for making it hard. He turns himself into everything and everyone that surrounds me just to talk to me. I pretend I don't understand. He is still here.

He gave his all; I can't even give my half to him. Writing down all of the reasons just to escape from Him, making my human nature a reason, and making it reasonable. I defended my excuses as reasons all the time. I'll pretend He will understand. How come He is still here?

When I'm desperate, I call His name. He never fails to answer me. But when He calls my name, I keep failing Him. I covered my ears, but He's still calling me. I can still hear Him distinctly. It's distinct because He is always here.

How dare I want more of Him? When I can't even give Him more of me? He fixed my broken wings for me. He healed my pierced heart for me. My numb soul, He embraces His love just for me to know He's always here.

Am I that loved? Do I even deserve it? I surely don't. But every step I take, no matter how wrong, He holds my hand to steady my journey. He taught me to work hard to make myself strong. He wiped my tears, and that is love. He's still here, and I guess that's His language of His love for me. A language between me and Him. It's special because we are the only ones who understand it. He keeps on opening the door to His presence. I'll always go back to him; no wonder he's still here.