Wait ed. (Carla-Billy's Story)

Carla is Waiting

We were walking towards the cafeteria, him holding my bag, and my hand still in his.

"Billy, yung kamay ko", I said as I can feel everyone's eyes were on us.

"What happened to your hand?", he asked, then he looked back at me, checking my hand that he's holding. But when I tried to pull it back, he immediately held it and smiled. "I missed holding your hand", he said while his eyes were on me.

"You never held my hand before", I said, looking at him.

"I did. When I was teaching you how to play guitar... and when we watched that Eheads concert... and when you got scared in that roller coaster in EK"

I looked at him, trying to recall those instances. But then he smiled and said, "I remember, Carla. Especially, those times when you will squeeze my hand- either because you're scared or you're too happy. I  would keep those days if I could. I never wanted them to end"

"How about those times when you made me wait? Do you also remember them?"

He simply looked at me, and nodded his head. "Every single one of them"

"Even that time when I asked you to just let me come with you so I don't need to wait?"

"Especially that one...", he then took a deep breath, then let go of my hand.

"Bakit mo ako biglang binitiwan?", I asked, and I was not sure whether I was asking him about now, him letting go of my hand, or those bits and pieces in the past, when it felt like he's slowly letting me down... letting me go.

He looked at me, and somehow I knew, he was thinking about the second one. But we're both not that brave, so he will pretend that I was talking about the first, while I'd act that it's exactly what I was referring to.

"Because I also remember those times I hurt you... and it felt like I don't deserve to keep the happy memories... at least not yet"

"Hey!", I called on him as I felt him slowly walking away.

He stopped walking, turned around to face me, and grinned. "You said you love me"

"Hah? I don't recall saying anything like that"

"You fell in love with us"

"In those pictures...", I continued, reminding him how far different it is from saying I love him.

"Same same"

"They're not"

"Do you know what's the only difference between falling in love and being in love?"

I looked at him, curious.

"The knowing what you feel and what your mind's gonna do with it. In "falling in love", your heart already knows it and has surrendered, but your mind is still fighting, too stubborn to admit it. But worry not. I will wait until that stubborn mind let go"

"Billy...", I said, shaking my head.

"I'd always be here Patricia. I'll catch you when you fall"

"I just hope you won't be late...", I whispered softly, but i was surprised when I looked at him and his eyes were on me. He just smiled weakly and nodded his head.

"You have class in an hour and a half. What do you say if we'll just order for take away, then let's eat at the bench outside"

"You don't want to eat here?"

"Too many people. I can barely hear you"

"Billy..."

"I don't have class... not until 3pm anyway"