Wait ed. (Carla-Billy's Story)

Even Though I Loved You

"I guess, there's the root of my insecurities, Billy. Because until now, I'm still not sure who you're going to save when we play the boat is sinking. I was thinking, hopefully, theoretically, you'll choose me. Then I suddenly remember, sa totoong buhay nga pala, hinayaan mo akong malunod. Bakit pa ako naghihintay sa I sasagot mo sa ideal na mundo"

———

I know how my words broke Billy.
Kahit wala naman ng kami, alam ko, kahit papaano, mahal pa rin nya ako.
I didn't intend to hurt him- that's probably the last thing that I want to do.
Kaya lang sobra nang sakit...
And sorry na, if my words hurt him....
Sabi ko naman, wag nang balikan yung past.

I lifted my face, and for the first time since we started this talk, I saw him.
He was just staring at nothing in particular, he's biting his cheeks and his tears keep on falling.

I wonder what's running inside his head.
I wonder which past his head is in right now.

He turned to look at me, and he smiled weakly.
I thought, in a way, he would be angry.
But he just lifted his hand and wiped my tears away.

"I'm sorry for all the pain, P. I didn't know. How I wish I knew... but I didn't. Wag ka nang umiyak..."

Then he held my face and kissed me on the forehead. His lips stayed there for a couple of seconds, then he took a step back, and whispered, "Mahal kita... ng sobra... hanggang sa dulo", then he turned around and walked away.

My tears started to run down my face again.
Nag-uunahan sila sa pagbagsak.

Is this it?
Is this really the end?

Won't he even try to explain his side?
Makikinig naman ako...
Malay mo, magawan namin ng paraan?
Baka kaya pang ipilit...
Yung kahit konting tanga na lang ako....

He was already at the door, when I panicked.
Paano pag hindi na sya bumalik?

"Billy..."

"Hm?", he said, without turning to look at me.

"Would you want me to tell Zee?"

I heard him sob, his back was moving up and down like he's trying really hard not to cry.

"I would love to... but I would respect your decision, Patricia"

Patricia...
I'm back to Patricia...

"Ok...", I said, nodding my head, even though I knew that he couldn't see me. "Billy..."

"Hm?"

"I won't be asking you much... I will never make you choose between Yael and Zee. But, if I tell my daughter, I hope you'd find time to spend with her. I'm still not sure what my plans are, but while we're here, I hope you'll let her feel what it is like to have a father. Ako na ang bahala sa kwento pag tapos nang ngayon"

I saw him nod his head, then he left.

——-

I didn't know I was just taking my strength from the chair I was holding.
The moment the door closed, my mask slowly crumbled.
I hope I'm making the right decision.

———

Aya and Kiko arrived about an hour later.
Budoy and Chopchop came shortly after.

I was preparing all the paper plates and cutleries, when Budoy stood beside me, preparing the ice and the glasses.

"Galit ka pa?", he asked, without looking at me.

"Oo... galit na galit", I said, sabay hampas sa kanya.