Something about you

Chapter 1

Secrets - One Republic 

ARIA

September 2022, Portland

I always thought going to college would be easy for me, but maybe I was wrong. By the end of high school, I was lost. I didn't know where to go or what studies to pursue. Should I have gone to medical school because I'd always been obsessed with Grey's Anatomy, or should I have gone to business school to have "job security" as my father always tells me. Unfortunately, neither of these options was acceptable to me, so I left. I took a year off and went to stay with my aunt in San Francisco. There I met new people and made new friends, not forgetting the ones I had here before I left. I really enjoyed my years there, my aunt - my mother's sister - was quite nice, although we were never really close.

During my gap year, away from my family and the people I've always known, I got to know myself. And it's through writing that I've managed to do that. It's not as hard as it sounds, but it's certainly as painful. Finally, after several months of writing, a novel was born. I wasn't expecting it, but there it was, straight out of my pain and doubts. It took me quite a while to doubt its quality, and finally I sent it off to a publishing house just before I was due to go home, two months earlier.

And now I've turned my life around again. After several weeks of searching, I've found a university that will allow me to study what I love. So I'm moving to Seattle, with my best Friend, Lauren. She's already been studying medicine for a year, and she loves it. I didn't want to upset her life, but she insisted that we move in together.

"Give me the box, Aria," my father asks me before taking the box in question from my hands and carefully installing it in the trunk of my car. I give him a wistful smile, then look up at the sky. The sun will soon be setting, which means I'll have to hit the road for a whole new life. I glance at the boxes stacked in my trunk. My whole life is in these boxes. I think it's a blow to me because seeing it makes it real : I'm moving out. Despite the fact that I spent a year away from my family, it took me a while to realize that I was leaving for good. Last year was not synonymous with change for me. I wasn't on my own, I was fed and sheltered, and none of my things had really moved from my teenage bedroom.

But today, everything is different.

I'm moving to Seattle, with Lauren, to study something I should really enjoy. But going somewhere also means leaving the ones you love behind. I know my father will get over it, although I'll be entitled to a call from him at least once every two days. But to abandon my grandmother again? This woman is the most important person in my life. She loved me like my mother should have, she took care of me and filled the void in me.

"Aria, my little ladybug, are you ready to go?" asks my grandmother Liliana, looking sadly cheerful.

I know she's trying not to show me her sadness, but like every time, it's a failure. We know each other equally well. If she hurts, I'm hurt. If she's sad, I'm sad. I'm like a sponge with her, feeling her emotions as strongly as if they were my own. It's very hard sometimes. That's why I avoid getting too close to people. I can't handle the flow of their emotions when they come over me.

"Yes, Grandma, I'll be leaving soon," I reply, taking her in my arms.

I do my best not to cry in front of her, because if I cry, she'll cry with me, and I'm not sure that I'll be able to leave Portland in that case.

"It's time to go, Aria. If you delay your departure, you'll be driving at nightfall and -", I cut off his sentence by taking him in my arms in turn.

I'm aware that my father isn't very demonstrative and isn't comfortable with physical contact. I could easily count the number of times I've held him on my fingers. I'm happy to feel his embrace. So anyone passing by on the street will see a real father-daughter relationship. The truth is quite different, my father is broken inside. Just like I am.