Something about you

Chapter 7

Marjorie - Taylor Swift  

ARIA

September 2022, Seattle

As "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" scrolls across my TV screen, my thoughts drift to Lewis and the memories of that famous night. As the evening drew to a close, Lewis offered to drop me off at the apartment, while Noah asked to do the same for Lauren. The smile on her face as we drove home spoke volumes about the events that had taken place between them in that car. But I didn't ask her, I knew she'd tell me about it the next day.

I stare at the beige teddy bear Lewis offered me before I got out of his car.

"It's not much, but here. Congratulations for your contract," he says, handing me a pretty teddy bear.

I smile, glad of the attention, as he rests his lips on mine. I'll never get tired of that. It tastes like honey, mixed with his amber perfume, and his grip around my face. It's perfect.

"Thank you, I love it," I reply, smiling.

That was a week ago, and I haven't heard from Lewis since. That damn stuffed animal stares at me as if to taunt me, and I throw one of my Maltesers in his face. Even after that, the feeling of expectation and disappointment with Lewis never leaves me. It may seem silly to get so attached to a boy so quickly, and I'm surprised by it myself. But once my heart opens up to someone, it's hard to close it again. That's why when someone disappears from my life, it always takes me weeks or even months to get over it. I remember when I was in high school, I had this friend, Maria. We got on really well and were always together in the library, devouring all kinds of stories. Then one day, she just stopped coming. She preferred to stay with a group of popular girls who had lots of friends and the attention of the boys. I remember watching her from afar, through the library window, as she didn't say a word to me. I cried for months before I got over this trifling affair.

When I didn't have a mother, I had my grandmother. She supported me even when the situation took unnecessary dramatic turns. She understands me more than well. I wish she could have been with me today. She would take me in her arms, run her hand through my hair and cook me good meals.

Lauren isn't here, she's gone to visit her parents, who recently moved to Vermont. I think she'll be back today or tomorrow. She hadn't seen them in almost a month, so they were looking forward to her arrival. She's always had a good family, unlike me. But that's OK, I've learned to live with that little bit of jealousy in me. I'm not sure that she's noticed this fact. If she is, she doesn't talk to me about that.

For most of our childhood, Lauren and I were always together. We stayed mostly at her house, or in the garden shed her father had built for her. In the afternoons, when we spent hours reading and then playing role-playing games, her mother used to bake us chocolate chip cookies. Although I loved these moments, there was always a part of me that envied the complicity Lauren had with her mother, because at least she had one.

I hold my head in my hands and I think I'm crying. I'm just super stressed and anxious and even though I'm not hungry, I still eat until nothing else can fit in my stomach. All this scrap food. Chocolate, candy, chips. Hug, this is disgusting, but the anxiety doesn't think that, she's love that, actually. My stomach doesn't. I ran to the bathroom and I threw up all the food I have been eating since the morning. Or maybe since yesterday.

I breathe as I sit beside the tub. I think it's pathetic, looking back, that I get myself into such a state at every negative moment in my life. Besides, I need to brush my teeth. I see my reflection in the mirror and frankly, I'm a sight to behold. My hair is stuck in a messy bun with strands sticking out on either side of my head. And my eyes are completely puffy.