I Want To Break Free ❤ Harry Styles Fanfiction

Chapter 18

I stood in the shower. Heart beating fast. Too fast. So fast that I just waited for it to jump out of my chest and land in the bathtub. It felt like my world was spinning, I wasn't in control. I need to be, because otherwise I can't think clear. But, since I wasn't in control, I wasn't thinking clear. And I only had one, no, two persons to blame. The first one is the person that keeps sending me those texts. I got another one last night, that wished me goodnight and that I should sleep tight. I couldn't sleep tight after that. The other person was Harry. Of course.

I let the hot water cover me as I thought about his embrace. How safe I felt with him, how right it felt. I wonder if it was mutual, but I doubt it. I see the way he looks at Jennifer, he would never look at me like that. But I wanted to be with him, at least as a friend, because that's better than not having him at all. I still couldn't believe how fast everything happened, from being total strangers to becoming good friends. And for me to start grow feelings for him. When I think about it, I still wonder if it's all a dream. This shouldn't be able to happen in real life. I said to myself before that I couldn't judge people by their looks. I shouldn't like Harry just because he was beautiful on the outside, I needed to know what he was like on the inside too. I think I know that now, and my feelings for him changed. They became more intense.

My thoughts flew back to the guy that raped me. I will always remember him, how he touched me, how he hurt me. I couldn't picture his face in my mind though, it was just like a black hole where his head should be. Maybe it was because I had my eyes closed and didn't look at him.

I felt watched as I stood there in the shower, and quickly turned the water tap of. I almost didn't dare to remove the shower curtain, in case he would stand there. So I stood still, in the tub, for a few more minutes. Breathing heavily. I tried to listen if I could here someone else's breaths, but I only heard my own.

Amber, it's gotten too far. Deep inside, you know that he's not there. Get a grip of yourself.

I slowly peered out from behind the shower curtain. Nobody there. I slowly placed my feet on the pink rug and wrapped myself up in a towel.

I walked like a zombie through my flat, making sure no one broke in while I showered. It was always unnecessarily scary to look under the bed, but I did it anyway. I couldn't live like this anymore. I'm so scared that I don't know what to do. Maybe I should move to my dad. But that would mean leaving London, leaving grandma, leaving Elizabeth, leaving...

...leaving Harry.

I held the phone in my hand, considering my decision. Even though I was pretty sure that I would feel better if I did call, I didn't know if I could do it. I had the number up on the display, all I had to do was press the “call” button.

Do it Amber! For your own sake!

I pressed the button.

“Hello?”

“Hi, it's Amber,” I said, my voice sounding a bit unsteady.

“Hi Amber, everything okay?” That's where everything just bursted. I started to sob, right in her ear.

“Oh my! What's going on sweetheart?” Elizabeth asked.

“I need to talk to you in person, there's something I haven't told you,” I cried.

“Sure, love! Where do you want to meet? I have time right now!”

The little bell made its sound as I entered the small café. The delicious scent of coffee hit me in the face and I felt a wee better already. I ordered a cup of coffee and chose a table as far away as possible, I didn't want anyone to see me if I started to cry. I took my coat off and sat down, warming my hands on the cup. My eye lids felt ten times bigger after all the tears. I had no make-up on either, so I could just imagine how horrible I looked. My hair was a complete mess too, even though I just showered. I decided that this café could be a good place to meet Elizabeth and explain everything to her. How I felt and why. The little bell made it's sound again, I looked up and saw Elizabeth enter. It made me so much more calm, knowing that she was near. She ordered something too and walked towards my table.