Fan Girl | tayley ✓

21

"Taylor, I didn't use you. I didn't," Hayley defended herself, now sitting on the opposite side of the bed from the side that Taylor sat on.

"Did you just use me to get here? Did you like...intentionally get pregnant to keep me around or something?" Taylor's mind was racing. Though what he had said made no sense, not much of what he was thinking did make sense. There was so much he wanted to say but he had no idea how to say any of it. He stood up, fingers running through his brunet curls.

"Uh huh, because that makes sense. Yeah, I got pregnant on purpose. Do you realize how much of a dick you're being right now? Yeah, I knew you before that night. Yes, I wanted to sleep with you. Is that my fault, now? I just didn't think you'd want to hook up if you were to find out I was a fan. You're really making it sound like you don't want to be with me."

"You lied to me, Hayley. It's not exactly what the lie was, but that you lied to me. That you acted as if you had no idea who I even was, when you did. How do I even know that it was the only lie you've told me?" He spoke angrily, beginning to pace the bedroom. Sure, he was overreacting. But then again, he wasn't the best at controlling his short temper.

"Oh, says the cheater," Hayley commented with a roll of her eyes. This caused Taylor to stop completely. His head turned to Hayley following her remark. He took a step closer, hands pressing against the mattress as he leaned closer.

"Do not bring that up, right now."

"And why shouldn't I? You cheated on me, Taylor. You fucked another girl," she retorted.

"I was drunk, Hayley," Taylor attempted to defend himself. Worst of all, he knew that he was at fault. But he didn't want to admit to it, for some reason.

"And that makes it okay? That makes you sleeping with another girl okay? Oh, you drank. Maybe you shouldn't have drank, did you think of that? There's no fucking excuse," she spoke in return. It was odd how calm her tone of voice sounded, considering the anger that was (understandably so) filling her entire being.

"You don't think I know I fucked up, Hayley? I know I fucked up! I know I did. Do you need to remind me? You don't think I regret it? You don't think that it breaks my own goddamn heart to know that I caused you any pain whatsoever? I hate myself for it. Do you realize how much I already disliked myself? I don't think you did realize. Because even when all signs pointed to me being in this terrible mental state, you didn't realize it. Either that or you didn't care."

Hayley definitely never did realize what he had just confessed to her. She never realized that he was not emotionally healthy, she was oblivious. But in her defense, very few people even knew of his poor emotional state. That consisted of...Zac. Zac was the only person who really knew of his very personal problems. Josh had a feeling, but didn't know the extent of it all. He did a good job at putting up an act and pretending to be okay when he was in fact very far from okay.

"Taylor...I'm sorry to hear that you've been struggling. Because I care about you, you know that I do. But you can't expect me to be able to read your mind, even as well as I do know you. We need to communicate. You need to tell me when you're struggling. I'll always be here to help you."

"You don't get it. You don't understand it," he spoke angrily, his hands rising, fingers tight in his hair. He shook his head, breathing heavily. "It's not as easy as just telling you how I feel. I don't...I don't know how to explain it. I...I can't do this, Hayley," he choked out, finally breaking down. His hands moved to cover his face. He didn't want her to see him in that moment of despair, in that moment where he was broken.

"You can't do what?" She asked nervously after a moment of the only noise filling the entire apartment being Taylor's weeping. He removed his hands from his face before speaking.

"I've been hurt before. I've been used. I was with someone. She used me. We sort of dated, just without any labels, for months, she got me to admit things to her that I never would have if I hadn't trusted her as much as I did. Look, I know you're not her. I know that it's all so different. But it's terrifying. I can't be hurt like that again. She stuck around until she had found out enough. She ended up telling a bunch of media sources shit about me. She gained popularity, too. She used me for her own personal gain. It's different with you. I trust you so much. I do. But it's still terrifying to think of that happening again. And to think of that happening with you. I know, I know I'm being a dick. Considering I have done wrong lately. But I have a troubled past. I've been hurt time and time and time again. I don't want to, in a few years, look back at the relationship you and I currently share and regret it. I don't. I want to look back at this time together and be glad that we only grew from here on. Please, I want to grow from here."

He was begging towards the end of his small speech. And if she were honest, she could sense herself tearing up. She blinked back the tears that so badly wished to escape her eyes, doing her best to remain calm. Taylor was emotional enough.

"Come here," Hayley whispered. Taylor wiped his eyes, his cheeks hot and red with tear streaks running down them.

He climbed closer to Hayley, resting in her touch. Her arms wrapped tightly around Taylor, her smaller body behind his larger frame.

"I love you, baby," the woman whispered quietly. A smile made its way to Taylor's scruffy face. He sniffled.

"I love you too."