the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection

iii. spirituality

NOTICE: so this part took the longest for me to figure out I was writing and was the last of me to finish. i am very much aware that spirituality and faith is very personal to each person and even though i don't owe anyone an explanation i just want to say is you want to skip over this part of the collections. i absolutely understand. 

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also i can't convey how many times i re-read pinktoned, GOD REVERSED  poems as well as any other poems you wrote with  faith related imagery and i can't express the inspiration and will power it gave me. thank you thank you thank you.

1 | a retelling of genesis

inspired primarily about my maternal grandmother who I found out before meeting her for the first time that she disowned one out of her ten sons who came out as gay despite being married to a woman.

this is a essentially a story that plays on  the idea of genesis and how there isn't anything a godly black woman would not do for god.

2 | for the bible paintings that white wash the brown people it was based on

inspired by Crystal Valentine's spoken word piece: "and the News Reporter Says Jesus Is White"

particularly the line: "how can she say Jesus was a white man when he died the blackest way possible? with his hands up, with his mother watching?"

here i address the blatant hypocrisy of those who say diversity for the sake of diversity's is needless whilst ignoring the fact that for all intensive purposes Jesus and those in the region he grew up in were brown and yet time and time again we portray in western media as white

3 | i question god's intentions

inspired by the idea that my religious, moral and philisophical teacher who believes god is both omnibenevelont and also believes homosexuality is a sin

but more broadly my difficultly connect to an all good god when he is so unforgiving of human beings

4 | on catholic guilt

so unlike america, here in the UK there is not a seperation of church and state and for that reason i've spent almost all my life attending as state funded catholic school.

this poem is inspired by the trip our school and other catholic high schools in my area organised to go to private catholic all-girl academy, in the richer parts of scotland where we got a talk about relationships and sexuality from catholic priest and the tragic irony of such an arrangement

as well as an examination of "catholic guilt" and how debilitating it can be

5 | what am i to do if heaven is no better than earth?

inspired by cherrybombs- poem, "it's easy just pray it away"

here a set up a scenario where i spend my entire life devoted to getting into heaven on to discover it's as miserable and regretful as earth.