i think about death all the time,
far more than a seventeen year old ought to
(even if the 17-year-old is me)
//
[translation]
yes, i've always had these points in my life
where i think about its finality(incessantly, obsessively, unhealthily)
//
what is different about this instance,
is three things:1) the recent passing of my best friend's grandma -
which was an unexpected reminder of my own mortality.
2) my religious, moral and philosophical studies teacher'
(who is a devote catholic);
3) the prognosis by my heart failure consultant, following the replacement of my valve,
who predicts i will need a pacemaker in the next half a decade –
and a transplant at age forty
//
which is to say,
as the years go on, less and less is my heart my ownwhat makes it worse, is my belief in god –
or lack of it.
something i wrestle with each time thoughts of death overwhelm me.
//
as of late, i am trying to come to terms with the idea
i really do not know:a) i do not know if God exists,
b) i do not know if i will die with my own heart -
or with someone else's,
c) i do not know if i will ever cease my obsession with death -
until i am dead.
//
all i know is this:
i.) i am trying to be better.
ii.) it will take time.
perhaps more time than the universe has for me.
- (bonus) and i am (trying) to be okay with that
--
I might still edit this one because it feels sparse in some parts but awk well. I'll publish it now and address that later.Special shout out to: holoalura
I see you voting all the time, and even though you don't tend to comment the consist support on this collection means the world I truly hope you've enjoyed my poetry, thank you so very much.
- E. V. E
YOU ARE READING
the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection
Poetry「 WATTYS 2019 WINNER 」 the failings of a surgically healed heart, is a series of autobiographical poems arranged into six thematic parts to form a collection which examines the idea of the collective and how that informs individual. i. family an exp...