the failings of a surgically healed heart | a collection

iv. loving

1 | on unrequited self love

inspired by a valetines days

here is a poem which i talk about how everyone around me is in love or in relationships whilst i am relearning how to love myself.

2 | to all the friends i've loved before

A play on words of the Young Adult Romance by Jenny Han of a similar title "to all the boys i've loved before"
and inspired by the greeks many words for "love" in particular "philia" which inspired this specific piece, and how it describes a friendship so close, one is willing to sacrifice themselves for the other. The sort of friendship I share with my friends against my better judgement.

3 | method writer

inspired by the line from cigarettenightmares poem: "i thought we were enteral baby" 

"i don't love him i only think about poetry" 

and inspired by the line from miserablemidas poem: "don't translate to prose

"do you know how badly i want to fall in love?"

plays about with the idea that i didn't want to write romance until i fell in love, so i sought out to do exactly that with some devastating results.

4 | alternate universe in which i am white/desirable

inspired by the letter i wrote in my first year of primary school where i wrote at nauseam of my desire to be white so could be better liked.

in this poem i exist in an alternate reality where i make the wish and it is granted, and it follows all the hypotheticals ways i could have been treated growing up.

5 | for the love of mean girls!

here i talk about my complex relationship with my sexuality. and why it is still difficult for me to be sure at times i like boys and girls and all that's in between, through the lense of the terrible girls who were horrible to me and yet i idealised.

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posting early because i dunno when I'll be able to again 

- eve