Illicit (phan)

6 - Present

((i added a little cast thing that i thought would be helpful. also prepare for long chapter))

It was during dinner that I finally understood why Phil had done what he'd done. The epiphany came as I watched Phil glare daggers at Blake when his hand lingered over mine as he passed me the salt. Phil was so eager to get me to stay away from Blake because he had a reputation to uphold. That reputation didn't allow for me, his friend, to fool around with another guy. It was just like in high school, when Phil had banned me from wearing clothes he didn't consider normal. It should've been obvious when he told me he'd only sucked me off to get me to forget Blake. Clearly, he was willing to go to great lengths for his reputation. That night I went to bed without a word, not even pausing to think about where Phil would sleep.

That's probably why I shouldn't have been surprised to wake up lying extremely close to Phil. Watching Phil look adorable as he dreamt wasn't doing any good for the spike in my heart that had been there since Phil had walked out on me in the bathroom, so I immediately stood up and went into the kitchen.

Blake was in the kitchen, making some coffee, and looking much better than anyone should at 7 in the morning. His dog, Charlie, lay at his feet. I wiped the sleep from my eyes and went to stand next to him.

"Morning. Coffee?" He asked cheerfully, with a massive smile. I nodded in response and sleepily watched him pour it. "Sleep well?" He joked. I knew I looked like shit, with dark bags lining my eyes and my face puffy.

"The bed was comfortable, but I had a lot on my mind," I told him honestly.

Blake didn't waste any time, immediately winking. "You should've told me yesterday, I'm sure I could've offered some assistance." He moved a plate filled with sausages, eggs and baked beans towards me.

I wished with all my being that I could appreciate the food and the gorgeous man in front of me without feeling like my heart was on the brink of collapsing. I gave him a half-hearted smile and changed the subject. "So have you always lived here alone?"

"Nah, moved in here with my boyfriend at the time."

"What happened?"

"He was a coward. Scared of what people would think if they found out we were together. It's why we moved all the way out here in the first place. I guess even that wasn't enough for him. He left and told me not to follow." For the first time since I met him, Blake didn't have a smile lingering on his lips.

"And you just let him leave? If you really loved him why would you do that?"

"Did I have a choice? Leave my home and life to chase after a guy who doesn't even want me? No thanks. I'd rather put my energy into finding someone new. Someone who doesn't care what people think of us."

"You think you can find someone who you'll feel the same about?"

"I believe in second chances. Sure, I wish that he hadn't run off into the night like a damn chicken, but he did. And that hurt like hell. So surely I should get a reward for all my suffering, you know?"

I sighed. Blake echoed every single thing I'd ever thought about leaving Phil behind and trying to find someone new. Someone who would love me for me. I scripted a new plan in my head. I would do it today. I would get away from Phil today.

It was right then that Phil walked into the kitchen, and we all finished breakfast silently. Straight after, Blake drove us into town, without any prompting. Phil bought a tire, referring to a piece of paper where he must've written the size when I wasn't even paying attention.

I didn't even know tires came in different sizes.

Then we drove back out to my car on the side of the motorway, where Blake lifted the car with a jack, and Phil scowled and put on the new tire. My stomach churned as I watched Phil's tattooed arms and the muscles tensing beneath his taut flesh.