Matches | √

Chapter Sixteen

light | source of illumination

• • •

3/10/17

"ARE YOU SURE you're okay?" Francesca asks me for the millionth time since my secret day with Asher.

No, my mind bursts from within as my nails sink into my palms trying to keep the word caged up inside. I'm not okay. It's been almost a week since the baking. A week since I named him. A week since we touched each other in ways that still has me short of breath and weak kneed.

But also two days since he last spoke to me, acknowledged me, or even looked at me. Two days of watching him flirt with my best friend in front of me. Two days of watching him rule the school and everyone bow down to him like the king he knows he is.

These two days shouldn't hurt like they do. They shouldn't slither into my heart and begin to strike with pain until all I can do is ache. Asher ignoring me shouldn't hurt. But two days ago I had all of his energy focused on me. His dark eyes watched me intently as we baked together, watched my hands stir and create a delicious cake, watched me strip him, and watched me fall apart in his arms. I had all of that just two days ago, and now I have nothing.

But I don't speak my thoughts aloud because my best friend doesn't know about my secret rendezvous with her crush. With the guy she's been on a date with. With the guy she thinks about and dreams about. The guy she's meant to be with. The guy I shouldn't be letting into my chest and burn into my heart.

"I'm fine Franny," I drone, hating that I'm annoyed at my best friend for caring about me, for being worried about me.

"You've just seemed different lately," she points out whilst eyeing me as we walk into school. Her long dark hair is curled into beach waves and her golden skin shines under the bright morning sun. She looks beautiful, like she always does. I tug at the bottom of my old sweater hating the feeling of doubt that weaves through me when I'm around her astounding perfection.

Obviously I compared us in the past. But it was never in the forefront of my mind because she was Francesca and I am Maeleigh. We are two separate people. People who want different things out of life but connect in a way that has bonded us in friendship since the day we met.

But now every time I see her, this ugly, dirty sensation winds through me like ivy. Wrapping around me, suffocating me with its thoughts and feelings that equate to pure green envy.

I am different, I want to admit. And not in a way I necessarily should be. I'm hardened. I'm shrouded in a darkness that heats me from within and completely engulfs me when Asher is around. The quiet and meek girl that once was has morphed into someone I never thought I was and it scares me. But not as much as it should.

I shrug letting my eyes follow the ground in front of me. "Graduation's approaching," I murmur the lame excuse. Of course I'm nervous about leaving home and moving hundreds of miles away to a new state and a new school. But slowly I'm beginning to realize that maybe I need this new start with new people. Because as my attachment to Asher grows so does the worry that leaving him will ruin me.

Francesca nods slowly as if she doesn't quite believe me but doesn't want to push the subject either and a new part of me flares with anger at that. That's her job. She always pushes me. She used to be the only one who could, but now someone else has taken over her role and pushed me into someone I barely recognize. And now my best friend is letting up and going easy on me. This isn't us, this isn't her.

"Yeah," she agrees quietly.

We walk through the halls and make our way to the lockers we usually stand by. All of Francesca's friends stand there waiting for her. Always waiting for her. Because the world seems to revolve around her, around her and Asher. Ice slides through my veins at the idea of them and the ivy I try to keep at bay once again springs to life inside of me.