Matches | √

Chapter Twenty-Six

shimmer | shine with a soft tremulous light

• • •

4/8/17

MY EYES DRIFT shut as my head hits the headrest in Asher's car. The black leather heats the bare skin on the back of my thighs as his cologne fills the air around me.

"Are you okay?" His warm voice rolls over me and makes my skin pebble with goosebumps.

"Yeah," I murmur keeping my eyes closed. "Just tired," I add with a sigh.

"I keep you up too last night?" he teases naughtily with a chuckle.

My eyes flutter open and I twist my head to lock my gaze on him. "Don't you always," I reply with a raised eyebrow.

I play it off with a faint smirk but the mention of last night weighs heavy in my chest and my stomach clenches with a mix of frenzied fear and doubt.

Last night when Asher climbed into my room he was piss drunk. More so than usual. I didn't want to care or find it annoying but the feeling nagged at me and created a bitter taste on my tongue.

He quickly kissed away my annoyance until I became a pile of sweaty skin and breathy moans at his fingertips.

His hands held me. His fingers bruised my naked flesh. His teeth grazed my sensitive skin. His body became one with mine until I felt on fire with need, desire, love.

Everything felt perfect. So I told him how I felt. I told him how much I loved him.

And he didn't say it back.

Instead he kissed me and flipped me onto my hands and knees and made me come twice more only saying how I was his before passing out next to me.

He was gone once the sun bled into the sky.

We barely even spoke. Everything about how the night played out rubbed me the wrong way and I hate this feeling. I don't want to hesitate and question my feelings for him. I want it to be like how it was before everyone knew. When I was drowning in him. Burning for him. When he made me laugh. When I saw him smile. When he tried?

Forget it all.

His words echo in the back of my head and I once again close my eyes inviting in the darkness that accompanies the numbness that rises through my fingertips and settles in my soul.

I swallow the rising feeling of dread that lumps in my throat and relax my tense shoulders. My hand finds Asher's and his warmth instantly settles me. I squeeze it once and ease into the dark seats as we get closer and closer to school. He's been driving me every day this week and with him by my side the glares and words fade away. Because it's me he walks to halls with. It's me he shows off. It's me he kisses in front of everyone.

He chose me.

Dating Asher is a surreal experience. People still think I'm a slut and a backstabber but they don't dare say it to my face.

They keep their whispers to themselves and cut their lingering glances short when Asher and I walk by them hand in hand. They even smile and make small talk with me when he's talking with his friends. I know it isn't real. I know they don't truly care about me. But in some way it makes me feel less guilty. Less ashamed about my actions that lead me to this moment. This moment where I'm with Asher and Francesca isn't my friend anymore.

My teeth graze the delicate skin on my bottom lip. "Are you doing anything tonight?" I ask in a tense breath. My heart beats loudly in my chest and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because even with Asher by my side I'm still unsure of where we stand. Unsure if he truly will want to take that next step with me.