The end of dreams

11

          
The return to Milan was worse than ever.
During that week at the seaside Silvia had accustomed herself to the mild Ligurian climate as well as to the fragrance of  the sea and the olives which had beguiled her senses and had granted her at least some physical harmony.
Milan on the contrary, stank as usual and it was muggier and muggier. Once she was home she tried to call Michelle for the umpteenth time but she found her cellphone off. So she decided to drop in on her without notice, as she had used to do till recent times.
She did not even unpack and she rushed to Michelle in the hope of finding her at home at that point. She could not remember what time her friend would have radiotherapy, anyway she would squat down on the doormat and wait, just as they both would do in their childhood, when their mothers were later than expected and the two little girls did not possess the door keys yet.
At that moment Silvia had nothing to do, except fighting nausea; she was on vacation and even if she should have had to work it would have been the same. Nothing at that moment would prevent her from running to Michelle.
As soon as she was in front of Michelle's house she saw the windows were open; she felt better instantly. She called on the entrance phone hurriedly and though she'd have preferred to hear Michelle's voice she did not disdain Anna's.
«At last you're here, Silvia.»
The momentary joy that voice had brought about was immediately replaced by dismay. She walked along the path which lead to Michelle's apartment while pondering over Anna's words. She had sounded anxious to talk with her, then why had she kept her cellphone switched off for the whole week?

She knocked at the door and went in without waiting for anybody to welcome her, like she had always done out of habit, but she soon realized something was wrong: there were too many people.
Apart from Gaia, who was climbing everywhere, and Anna, who was cleaning things that were already spick and span, there was aunt Julia with her husband Laurence, grandmother Adele with Igor, her inseparable doggie, then Ludovico in his mother's company (the ex-mother-in-law who Michelle hated), obviously, and another lady Silvia could not remember encountering before, probably a troublesome neighbour.
They all stopped on seeing her and looked at her while showing her such odd faces as if they wanted to talk to her with their eyes.

«Where is my Pina?» asked Silvia loudly her voice affected cheerfulness and she hoped Michelle had heard her.
«She's in her room...» answered Anna, putting on a face Silvia didn't like at all.
Silvia rushed to Michelle, but she took a deep breath before she entered the room.

«May I come in?» she asked in a low voice.
«Come in, Laura » she answered, mistaking Silvia for her cousin.
«It' s me, darling.»
«I know, Ughino. I'm growing stupid yet I still can see!» she said, annoyed.
«What are you doing?» asked Silvia, getting curious about Michelle's activity at that moment.
She was using a pair of scissors; she kept on cutting out white little rectangles of paper. She was handling some glue too and some tooth-brushes were on her table.
«My mother keeps saying I use her tooth-brush... that can't be helped, they are identical!»
Silvia looked at them but she realized the different colours right away.
«But this one is pink, that one is blue...»
«How imaginative, huh? Only my mother could buy two identical tooth-brushes. That woman is beginning to go crazy!»
Silvia gulped down her blues.
«Yeah, they are really identical» she admitted forcedly.
«That's why I'm going to write my name on a label, otherwise I'd run the risk of using my mother's tooth-brush. How gross!»
So she started writing names on those sheets of paper.
First she wrote her name, then her mother's, her cousin's and probably the names of all the people who came to her mind at that very moment.
She was writing incessantly.
«I think you've written too many names...» said Silvia laughing, though she had tears in her eyes.
«There are too many people, Silvia, how can I recognize my tooth-brush? They're all very much alike!»
She was right indeed, there were really too many people in that apartment.
«Darling I'll leave you to your mission. I'm about to go home, I've just come back from the seaside and I'm a bit tired. Can we see each other tomorrow? I'll accompany you to the hospital for your radiotherapy.»
«The radio?» laughed Michelle «the radio is off! Come on, put on a cd, I feel like listening to some music.»
Silvia turned round immediately not to cry in front of her. She turned the stereo on; she had selected the Queen.
«You're still a Freddy Mercury's buff, huh?» said Michelle, who had recognized that marvelous voice.
Silvia felt a little cheered up.
«Way better than Eros!»
She kissed her forehead and took her leave.

As soon as she arrived in the sitting-room all those present in the room approached her.
«From tomorrow onward we'll come here by turns; we've got to reach an agreement, it suffices for us to look at one another to see that there are too many people and too few chairs. If we keep on like this we're going to scare her and confuse her.»
Ludovico lowered his gaze, aunt Julia nodded.
«And cheer up, folks! What the hell! It looks like a funeral wake» she said, making efforts to speak in a low voice, visibly exhausted.
She took some paper and a pen, she knew exactly where to find them because that apartment had no secrets for her, just like her own flat, and she wrote a scheme extempore.
«Well, tomorrow I'm not coming here because I'll see a doctor» she sighed.
«I'd like to be here on Mondays and Thursdays, if it's ok with you.»
«For me it'll be okay on Wednesdays and Sundays» said Ludovico, almost hurriedly as he was stupidly afraid lest they should exclude him from that visit schedule.
«Anna, your task is to have the schedule respected by everybody. Just oust all those who should turn up on the wrong day or without notice, okay?»
«But it's not like me, Silvia...» said the woman, while she looked around deeply embarrassed.
«You gotta do it, Anna! Haven't you seen the condition she's in?»
«I am going to do that» said aunt Julia, who in the meantime had moved to their apartment.
«All right you'll carry out this thankless task» said Silvia.
«Michelle needs us at present. We must protect her and we must do it with all of our strength. Her serenity comes first of all.»

She succeeded in saying good-bye to each of them and leaving the apartment rapidly, before she started to cry.
But once she had left that house she felt as if she was becoming deflated. She had used up all her strength to deal with that situation, keep her nerves and hold her tears.
From this very moment, yet, she let go of her self-control.
She drove back home crying all the time, with no restraints.
«One can't possibly get reduced  like that» she sighed.
«She seems like an idiot! You've seen her too, Alien? She's always been a fly girl, so attentive, I used to be the dull one! How cross she became when I didn't catch something straightaway! I can't believe she's ended up in such a state. And I don't even know if the cause of that is the radiotherapy on her head or the drugs they're giving her. I know nothing. I only know she sounds like a moron! What's going to happen now? Will she get worse? Will she get better? I don't know what to expect, I don't know anything anymore!»
She cursed and swore in all the languages she knew, she cursed at cancer, she cursed outrageously at the doctors who were curing Michelle.
«I bet things would have been different if it had been about her wife! He would have never let escape those fucking cells! Stupid onco-cutie!»
She was miraculously safe when she arrived home. Thank God the few cars she encountered along the road managed to avoid her. She seemed to be driving a boat rather than a car.
« Fortunately I'm going to see my gynecologist tomorrow and he's gonna free me from you. Without nausea everything is gonna be simpler, everything's gonna be better without you, Alien.»