After graduating from high school, Mathew sets out to do a two-year missionary service like everyone else his age.
Mathew thought that his only problem would be him adjusting to the city as someone who's lived in a farming town all his life. he didn...
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I was shaking.
Tapping the microphone in front of me I tried to calm myself before I looked down at my notes. It was Sunday, and I was giving my sermon. Most times I was able to speak through the lump in my throat and my foggy mind, but today my distress felt worse. Regardless, I did finish my sermon and left the podium with a round of applause. The church was a bit more filled up today, we had started getting regulars from the town. I settled down beside Sam, and he didn't turn to look at me.
He's been cold since that day he got me to talk to him, and you could bet I was counting the time I had left until he told more people. Olivia had also been different about me. Asking me to come to her if I needed someone to talk to or pray with. I knew she had full details courtesy of Sam.
When the service was over, and we left the room I felt someone's hand grip my wrist I turned, my eyes going wide when I saw Oliva looking at me with a small frown on her face.
"Follow me," she said, pulling me along with her. I stumbled a bit, steading my footing as she pulled me over to an empty hallway. She looked left and right, sighing when she confirmed that we really were alone.
"You need to see someone," she said, letting go of my hands before arranging the fabric of her long red skirt. "You need to see a counselor. I'm not sure if you can notice it yourself, but it's getting worse. You're in pain, and you're confused. You need help," she said at a go, making me feel corners. I walked back until my back was pressed against the other wall. I was now across from her, unable to bring my gaze to meet hers.
I hadn't been expecting this conversation. I was tired, and all I wanted to do was head upstairs to my room for a lie-down, and maybe a good cry. Nath and I have been talking infrequently, and that didn't do anything for my low self-esteem regarding how he felt about me. I knew it was because we couldn't meet up like before, but of course, I was worried that he was using it as a way to wean me off him, and I didn't want that at all.
I don't know. I was just nervous like that. The fact that he assumed that I was going to be a coward about things, hurt too. Maybe it hurt even more because he was right.
"Mathew, are you listening to me?" I looked up, realizing that I had zoned out. I shook my head, being honest. Olivia sighed, folding her hands over her small chest. She bit her bottom lip, looking away from me briefly.
"You were shaking up on stage today," she said, and I kept quiet. I didn't know how to reply to that.
"It's getting obvious," she said, turning back to face me. "Sure, they don't know what's obvious, but people will start picking up that something is wrong with you—"
"Something is wrong with you." Her words echoed in my head, and I started heaving. A low groan left my lips as I brought my hands to my face, trying to calm myself down. "Something is wrong with you." Her words continued to echo, bringing me anxiety.
