Touched by the Fear

[2]

The parking lot of Beacon Hills High School was filling up quickly when Hollis arrived. She pulled into the first available space and turned the engine off. Sitting in the quietness of the car, she mentally prepared herself for the day. There were a lot of raw emotions taking place inside of her and, they were hitting her hard. It was something that she couldn't seem to shake. The fact that Hollis was starting the school year off without her mom and stepdad there by her side hurt... a lot. Each year, they had seen her off to school but now they were just gone. Although she had accepted this horrible truth, it didn't make the pain lessen.

Taking a few steadying breaths, she looked down at her fists, which were tightly clenched. One in, one out, Hollis thought while she focused on her breathing, which had become irregular. The lightheadedness began, followed by the inability to breathe. Not now. Please, she thought, fighting for control. She repeated the mantra in her head until it started to work. Her view became clear and her lungs seemed to function properly. Unclenching her hands, she saw the faint crescent marks her nails had left on her palms.

Hollis took a deep breath and raised her eyes. The image of students piling out of cars and buses brought her back to the present. People walked in front of the three-story building, all immersed in their own lives and deep in conversation with their friends. Everything seemed so... normal. It was what she wanted. Hollis wanted to have her life back; to move on without the pain being a constant reminder of what happened.

A soft tap at the window caused her to turn her head. She was greeted by the cheerful face and red hair of her best friend, Lydia Martin.

"Did you plan on sitting there all day?" Lydia questioned, her cheery voice breaking through the loud chatter around them when Hollis stepped out.

Shaking her head, she said, "No, I just got lost in thought."

Tilting her head to the side, Lydia examined her. "Are you okay?" She placed a comforting hand on her arm.

No, I'm not okay, she thought but that wasn't what she replied with. "Yeah, I'm fine." She said, automatically. "I promise," Hollis added with a smile when she noticed the skeptical look on her face.

Her friend nodded and pulled her into a hug. That quick hug had taken away the anxiety and pain she felt. One of the things she loved about Lydia was that she never pressured her into talking. She simply waited until Hollis was ready to talk and was there for her. Sometimes, a simple gesture meant more than words. She wished that others would see what she saw rather than the popular, beautiful, and shallow girlfriend of Jackson Whitmore, the lacrosse captain. No one knew her like she did. Underneath that faux exterior laid a caring and incredibly smart girl. Hollis was happy to be friends with her, to see a side of her that not many people got a chance to witness.

After the hug ended, Lydia gave her a once over. Nodding, she flashed one of her contagious smiles. "Cute outfit." Looping her arm with Hollis, Lydia led her away from the parking lot. The number of students grew considerably once they neared the main entrance of the school. She tried to keep up with what Lydia was saying but, somewhere along the way, she lost it. It was something about fashion and a party, or was it? Hollis couldn't be sure. She knew her friend would repeat it to her multiple times throughout the day.

With a quick look around, she noticed a few curious and sympathetic looks thrown her way. Hollis was tired of those looks. She had gotten those looks a hundred times during the summer. She tried to ignore them as best she could but it wasn't easy. Although all of Beacon County knew the horrible fate that had torn her life in half, she wished she could escape the looks and the soft whispering. No matter how hard she tried to move on, Hollis was always brought back to the car accident. Yanked back was more like it. People in the small town didn't let such topics drop even if it had been months.