Beautifully Damaged

23. Fear

My mind went blank and I lost all control of my body. I let Alex kiss me. His arms were wrapped around my waist, warmth spread over my lips and over my skin. The rest of the world had faded away, and I’d left my brain somewhere outside the bubble that we’d created.

Then, he moved away from me and the added oxygen to my brain let it function again. My eyes snapped open, a hand against my mouth. Oh my god. In shock I pushed him away, managing not to trip over my own feet. Blinking rapidly and unsure of what to do, I spun away and took off down the hallway.

I wasn’t sure what was going on in my head at that moment, and I was barely aware of where I was going besides forward. The student body flowed around me fluidly, somehow still allowing me to stay on track.

What had just happened?

Where had that come from?

The daze wore off slowly but surely and left the smile clear off of my face. Cynicism took up residence in my mind and kept attempting to make sense of Alex’s actions. There was no other reason that he would do something like that to me without the ulterior motive of possibly just wiping the smile off of my face. It was Alex I was talking about; there was no way that he would kiss me just because he wanted to.

Alex had proved, in the past, that he liked messing with my mind and seeing me struggle. This was probably another example of that… but what if it wasn’t? I fought back tears of frustration as I forced my way through the throngs of kids my age.

“Whoa, what wiped the smile off your face, B?” Jenna asked, sweeping in beside me on the way to Biology.

“Alex kissed me,” I blurted under my breath, unsure of how else to word it.

Her gentle hand rested on my shoulder as she took a deep breath, “What?” She began, and I snuck a glance at her perplexed face. “Why is that such a bad thing?”

I reverted my eyes forward, giving her a shrug as I struggled to compose myself before heading into the lab. Jenna took that as a sign that we would talk about it later, and I was glad that she didn’t press it further. I needed to get my head straight before I even attempted to explain this to anyone else.

The one thought that was clear in my mind was that a mother would know how to deal with this.

***

I couldn’t concentrate in Biology; my mind was preoccupied with scattered thoughts of nothing and everything, interrupted by Alex. The only upside to my distraction was that I didn’t also have to worry about Morgan, Drake or Tina. They weren’t even close to being on my mind.

Alex seriously tired me out with his teasing and joking. The fact that I knew he had some idea about what had happened to me was even more frustrating. I couldn’t trust him, so what was I supposed to do with that? My heart just didn’t understand the value in forgetting about him.

I caught myself unconsciously reaching out for a person that wasn’t there, to take comfort in his warm fur and dependability. Bear had always listened to me, even if he couldn’t advise me on what to do next. A clear mind was all I needed, and he usually provided peace of mind.

Moving my hand back onto the desk, I leaned against my palm and sighed. Instead of dwelling on everything that I couldn’t make sense of, I redirected my attention to the fact that I knew who my mother was. It was a small comfort, since I hadn’t managed to do anything with the information, but comfort nonetheless.

How long did I plan to prolong this whole thing?

It was simple; I’d just go to the listed address in Detroit and hope for the best. That was naïve, of course, but I’d figure it out on the way, I’d have to. Unless I wanted to stay lost and confused, I’d have to adapt and move forward. Veronica Colton was the first step I had to take. Was I willing to go for it?