Louder

Chapter 14

      Serena had invited Liam and I to join her on her date with Carson and the both of us had agreed. It had been a while since Serena had invited us to go on a date with her. In fact, it had been a while since she had asked us to hang out with her. And because of that, we had desperately agreed, missing our best friend.

       "Time flies by when you're happy and doing what you love," Serena said, smiling to herself as we walked into the movie theatre. "I can't believe it's been months since I started singing at Vandos."

      "I'm impressed by how popular you got in such a short time," Carson said, smiling at her. "Well, not that impressed. With your voice, it's expected."

      Serena whirled around to face Carson and she wrapped her arms around his neck gently. She then pulled him towards her and they began to kiss each other, leaving my eyes wandering to the cashier. Without another word, I went to the line and Liam followed me, seeming just as uncomfortable as I felt.

      "They should get a room," Liam muttered, leaving me smiling to myself.

      Liam and I bought our movie tickets and soon, Carson and Serena did the same. As we walked to our theatre room, I noticed the way Carson glanced at me. His eyes would linger on me for a moment, leaving my heart skipping a beat, and I would be reminded of our day at the beach. Whenever I thought about our day together, my heart would grow warm. But, I would also get an aching feeling in my heart, as if I was missing something, and I would realize that it might be Carson. I realized that maybe, it was Carson my heart needed to fill the void.

      Shaking my head, I sighed lightly as I watched Serena grab Carson's hand. They had been dating for weeks now and I knew Carson liked her and not me. As long as Carson thought it was Serena singing, I had no place in Carson's heart.

       We soon all entered the theatre and we sat in the centre of the room. Liam and Carson sat next to me, and Serena sat at Carson's other side. At the thought of Carson sitting so close to me, my heart began to race.

       "I've been wanting to watch this movie ever since the first Avengers movie came out," Carson whispered to me. "I can't wait."

       "Me too!" I exclaimed, blushing when people shot me looks. "Ever since the trailer came out, I've been so excited to watch Infinity War."

       Carson grinned at me and I smiled back. But once again, the aching feeling in my heart appeared. It felt like something was clawing at my heart, reminding me that I needed something more. And as I stared at Carson for a moment more, I knew exactly what I needed.

       The movie soon started and throughout it, I couldn't help but glance at Carson continuously. I would watch his reactions and just stare at how handsome his face was, yearning to touch him. I yearned to tell him how he made me feel, but I knew I never could. As long as he was dating Serena, he was off limits. But yet, I wondered if that could change.

       Beside me, I noticed Liam had been glancing at Serena as well. And when I whipped my head to catch him, I saw the longing look in his eyes. I saw the sadness that filled them and my heart sunk. The both of us had been screwed over because of my secret and looking at Serena, I realized I had a question to ask her.

*****

       We were at a restaurant and I was staring at Serena, hoping she'd catch my eyes. She was in the middle of telling a story to Carson, looking thrilled, and my heart ached at the way Carson smiled at her. He cared about her a lot and the thought crushed me.

       Finally, Serena seemed to realize I was staring at her and she frowned. I forced a smile, reminding myself that I would grow insane if I didn't ask Serena the question I had been meaning to ask her.

       "Hey, can you come with me to the washroom?" I asked.

       "Um, sure," Serena said, looking confused.

       I smiled at her, thankful, and got up from my seat. Serena got up as well and together, we walked away. I glanced at the table, smiling to myself as I noticed Carson was talking to Liam now and begrudgingly, Liam was replying.

       Once in the washroom, I listened and made sure no one else was in the washroom. After I was sure, I turned to face Serena, who was staring at me, looking confused.

      "I... I have a question for you," I said. 

       "What is it?" Serena asked, frowning.

       "Would... would you ever tell everyone the truth? About me being the one singing for you?"

       Serena's eyes grew wide with horror and my heart sank. I knew I should've expected Serena's reaction, but I hoped otherwise.

        "No, we're never going to tell anyone the truth," Serena said, stunned. "It will destroy my career. Everyone will hate me for lying."

       I nodded, understanding her completely. Although I hated the idea of having to live with this secret forever, Serena was right. All of her fans would feel betrayed if they realized I had been singing for Serena. They would hate her and Serena would lose the only chance she ever had to become a famous singer.

       "Did you start taking singing classes?" I asked. "You know I can't sing for you forever. This has been risky and the longer we continue this facade, the worse it will get."

       "Not yet," Serena said, looking away with shame. "But I will soon. I can promise you that."

       I didn't believe her. Staring at her, I could tell she didn't want to try to learn to sing. It was so much easier for me to sing for her and I knew Serena planned on using me forever. The thought left me feeling sick.

       "So you just want me to sing for you for as long as I can?" I asked. "Is that the plan?"

       "Yes," Serena looked at me, her eyes apologetic. "I'm so thankful that you do this for me. I'll never forget this."

        I didn't say anything to that because the thought of doing this any longer made me want to scream. It made me want to fall to my knees and shout at the world for putting me in this position, for letting things get to this point. And even though I knew I had the ability to change everything, to let everyone know the truth, I knew I would never do that. Not when it would leave Serena losing everything she had always wanted.

        But staring at Serena and realizing she didn't care about me, my heart sunk. Serena hadn't tried to learn to sing and she didn't seem to care about how I felt. In fact, with how little time she spent with me, I realized she didn't care about me. I was just her pawn in her game and although that should motivate me to screw her over, I didn't have the heart to. At the end of the day Serena had been my best friend for years and I wanted what was best for her. Even if that meant sacrificing my happiness, I knew things couldn't be any different.