Louder

Chapter 18

     It was the day after the event and I was pacing around my room, waiting for Liam to come over. I had spent the night tossing and turning, thinking about what I would do, and I knew I had to tell Liam. Since I couldn't tell Serena unless I wanted to crush her, I had to get advice from Liam on what to do next.

     I heard the doorbell ring and I ran downstairs. Flying to the door, I threw it open and Liam appeared before me. He looked concerned because we hadn't met up since Serena had left us. It didn't feel the same without her, so Liam and I only saw each other during our lunch breaks.

      "What's up?" Liam asked, stepping in.

     "Carson knows that I sing for Serena," I said. "He saw me singing yesterday in the basement. He hates me."

     "What?"

     Liam's eyes flew wide and it took everything in me to not break down and sob. I was so scared and anxious about what to do next. It was eating away at me and I prayed Liam could help me.

     I went over to the couch and plopped down on it and Liam went to the couch across from me and sat down as well. He was staring at me, his eyes wide, and I gulped. It was clear that I was in a terrible situation.

     "He's so mad. He said he was disappointed in Serena and me," I said, pouting. "I... I don't know what to do. I'm scared."

      "Is he going to tell everyone?" Liam asked, looking uneasy. "That's cruel if he does. I know what you and Serena are doing is wrong, but that doesn't give him the right to screw you guys over."

      "No, he said I'll be the one to tell everyone. I don't know what he expects out of me."

      Liam sighed lightly and he ran his fingers through his hair. He seemed stressed and I was thankful someone could understand my pain, even if they weren't in my shoes.

      "Well, at least you're safe for now," Liam said, smiling a bit. "Don't stress too much. I doubt Carson is going to tell anyone and he'll stay true to his word."

      "But that's not even what I'm the most bothered by," I blurted out, surprising myself. "Carson hates me. We were getting so close and I felt so comfortable around him and now he hates me. I don't want him to."

      Liam's eyes softened and I blushed. I didn't expect myself to admit why I was so upset, but the words came pouring out of me. What hurt the most was how Carson seemed disgusted by me. He hated me and that was the last thing I wanted.

     "Carson could never hate you, trust me," Liam said. "He's hurt, but he cares about you. That's why I'm confident your secret won't be spilled. Carson would never do that to you."

     "Trust me, you should've seen the way he reacted when he found out. He hates me and I don't know what to do."

     "Do you think it's time for your secret to come out?"

     My eyes widened at his suggestion and for a moment, I stared at Liam. I thought he was teasing me, but from the serious look he wore I could tell he meant his words. And from the way he was looking at me, I knew he wanted me to make the right decision.

     But, I couldn't.

     "No, I don't think there will ever be a right time for everyone to find out," I said. "Everyone will hate Serena for deceiving them. Carson was the most hurt by that, so I can't imagine how hurt everyone else will be."

     "You're too nice, you only think about Serena when you might get in trouble, too," Liam said softly. "But anyways, Nivenah, you have to realize that it's bound to happen. Whether you like it or not, everyone is going to find out your secret eventually. It's your decision to take action now and own up to your mistakes or let everything blow up."

     Horrified, I stared at Liam once again. I thought he would be telling me to keep my secret and that he would help me do so, but instead Liam seemed to want my secret to be out as well. It seemed like everyone wanted my secret out except me, which left me feeling conflicted.

      "I'm terrified for what will happen if my secret comes out," I confessed. "I'm scared of what will happen to me and Serena."

     "It's going to be messy," Liam said. "But the clean up will be worth it. Trust me Nivenah, people will be mad. Some people might hate you, but some people will also understand. If you tell them the truth, more people will be willing to understand."

      I didn't reply immediately to his words. Thinking about them, I began to feel conflicted. For weeks I kept trying to convince myself that I had to keep my secret for Serena's sake, but now I wasn't so sure. With Carson already knowing my secret, I knew the world was bound to find out the truth.

     "If you admit that you're the singer, you'll get everything you deserve," Liam said softly. "You'll finally get recognition for your voice."

     "What about Serena?"

    "She'll... also get what she deserves, but in a different way."

     I stared at Liam and I watched as he looked away from me. He seemed uneasy and I sighed lightly, feeling exhausted.

     "A part of me wants my secret to come out. Even before Carson found out that I'm the singer, I was craving the attention Serena gets for my voice," I said. "But, throughout the weeks I found out how much Serena doesn't want our secret to come out. You saw her last performance, too. Her voice... isn't the best and this is Serena's only chance to be a singer. And you see how much happier she is now that people are admiring her. I can't just rob that from her. It seems too cruel."

     "It's okay to think of yourself," Liam said. "It's sweet that you think of Serena, but her happiness doesn't go before yours. You deserve so much more than you receive. The fact that Serena is okay with letting you be in the shadows while she takes credit for your voice also says a lot about her."

     Caught off guard, I tried to hide my surprise about the fact that Liam insulted Serena. Stunned, I realized something.

     "You're over Serena, aren't you?" I asked.

     "It was that obvious, huh?" Liam said, laughing bitterly. "Yeah, I am. She's taking credit for your voice and doesn't even feel bad about it. She ditched us for her new friends. She's not the type of girl I want to be with and I hope you realize she's not the type of friend you need to sacrifice for."

     I was speechless and although I knew I should stand up for Serena, I realized I had nothing to say. Everything Liam said was true. Serena took credit for my voice without any remorse and she ditched us for popularity. For months Serena hadn't been a good friend, but yet I kept supporting her. I kept telling myself to think about her, but she hadn't thought about me once. And I knew that should make me heartless and that I should just listen to Carson and tell everyone the truth, but I didn't have the heart to. Not when every time I thought of Serena, flashbacks of the many years we shared together would come to me.

     "I don't know what I'm going to do," I said, groaning. "I feel so lost."

     "I think the first thing you should do is talk to Carson," Liam said. "Explain your situation and hope he understands."

     "You're right."

     Deciding to take baby steps for what I would do next, I decided to make my first step to apologize to Carson and explain my entire situation. I wasn't sure if he'd forgive me, but I knew that I had to try at the very least.