𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭. carl grimes

29 - FAULT

I let out a chuckle when Judith crawls on top of me, sitting on my stomach before playing the neckline of my top. The baby laughs when I rubbed the skin under her chin, making me chuckle again.

She's too damn cute.

Every time Judith and I make eye contact, I see Carl's eyes in her. They have the same dazzling blue eyes. Carl used to tell me that he'd trade his eyes for mine anyday. He said he likes the way my green eyes shine whenever it gets sunlight on it, he said my eyes were practically glowing. What Carl didn't know is that his eyes are way more prettier than mine.

"Farren, do we have some pecons still?" Lizzie's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I looked at her, before nodding. "I'm hungry."

"Want me to get you some?" I offered and she immediately nods. I lifted Judith off of me and set her down on the blanket. "Okay, please watch her. I'll be quick."

Lizzie nods as she and Mika started playing with Judith. I jog back to the house and enter the kitchen. There's still some pecons on a bowl and they still smell good. I figured I'd bring the kids something to drink as well, so I went to the living room and searched the bag, before I found a water bottle. This'll do it.

I got out of the house and walked back to where the kids are. When I do get back, I saw Lizzie pointing a gun at my mom, Tyreese is also there. But what made me drop the bowl and bottle, is when I saw Mika laying on the ground, dead. There's blood in the middle of her shirt and blood on her neck and face.

I covered my mouth with my hands as tears filled up my eyes. Oh my God...

"I just want us to wait." I heard Lizzie say but my eyes are on Mika.

I left them, I left her with her sister and now she's dead. This is my fault...

"We can wait." I heard my mom tell the crazy little girl. "You just give me the gun. We can wait, I swear."

After Lizzie surrendered her gun, Tyreese took her and Judith back to the house. I walked towards Mika and knelt beside her, before letting myself cry.

"I'm sorry..." I whispered to her. "T-This is my fault... I'm so sorry."

I felt my mom place her hand on my shoulder and I can tell she's also crying. "Farren, I have to do it."

I looked up at her. "This is my fault, mom. I left her with Lizzie and now she's gone. This is my fault!"

I cried more until I was laying on the ground, crying even more. Everything's my fault. The Governor finding the prison, that's my fault. If we didn't get captured by Merle, if I only had shot him to stop him then we would've never made it to Woodbury. We would've never met the Governor. He would've never destroyed the prison, get our people killed and we wouldn't have gotten separated.

It's my fault that Mika's dead, because if only I saw what Lizzie planned to do, I would've never agreed to go back to the house and get her some goddamn food. Mika would've still been alive if I didn't leave her alone with her crazy sister.

"It's not your fault."

It is mom. It's my fault.

— later

I can't stop glaring at Lizzie.

She's scared of me because I kept glaring at her. We're in her room while my mom, Tyreese and Judith are downstairs. I told them I'll watch Lizzie. When Ty cleaned her room, he found a shoe box full of mice. Lizzie was the one who was feeding those walkers back at the prison. She's sick, she's too far gone.

"You're mad at me." She said softly. If she hadn't done what she did, I would have felt bad. "Please, don't be mad at me. I just wanted you all to understand. Mika will come back, she will—"

"She won't." I said firmly, shooting daggers at the little girl.

"She'll come back." Lizzie nodded to herself, before laying down on the bed. "You'll understand. You'll finally understand me."

"Just shut up." I snapped at her.

How could she kill her own sister? How could she do that? I heard earlier that she was planning on killing Judith next, which made me sick to the stomach. She was gonna kill a baby and she killed her sister. How could a kid do that?

This world really has messed people up.

The door opens behind me and my mom enters. Lizzie smiles at her and my mom fakes a smile.

"Lizzie, can I talk to you outside?" My mom tells her before glancing at me.

"Sure." Lizzie cheerfully said before going out of the room, although my mom stayed in the room.

I looked at her and by the look on her face, I know what she's about to do. I don't know what to feel anymore. I've cried my heart out earlier and now I just feel numb. Again.

"You're gonna kill her." I said quietly and my mom looks at the floor.

I don't even know if I should stop her and I don't think I want to. I know it's wrong, but what's right anymore?

I looked out into the window and saw my mom with Lizzie. The latter was facing the flowers and my mom has a gun pointed at her.

I clenched my fists tightly and watched as my mom pulls the trigger, and Lizzie's body fell limp to the ground.

We spent one last night in this house, before leaving. We're going to Terminus. Being back on the tracks reminded me of the two dead girls. I remember watching Mika singing her robot song in her robot voice while doing her robot dance, and Lizzie talking about that Tom Sawyer book.

There were six of us when we decided to go to the Terminus, now there's just four.

I left all my childishness back at the house, buried it along with Mika and Lizzie's body. The old me is gone now, I don't need that old me. There's no room for kids stuff anymore.

It's time to grow up and live this thing called life.

—~—

aaaand done! book 1 is officially finished!