Dear Future Husband

August 16, 2019

Dear Alina,

It's been a pretty fucking awesome 18th birthday if you ask me.

Holy. Fucking. Shit.

Holy shit.i

hOlY sHiT
HOLY SHIT

holy shit

Holy shit.

I should probably explain, even though you already know, but I'm going to explain anyway for my own sake.

Today, I got a text from you.

Can we talk?

I was taken off guard and wondered why exactly you wanted to talk to me after everything we had been through, after all the times I hurt you, you wanted to talk to me. Maybe it was just to tell me off again, I wondered. I never believed you could have anything good to say to me after our argument.

of course, where and when

8, at the football field

I sat in my room for six hours today doing nothing but thinking about what you could possibly want to talk to me about. The party? Sasha? Me being in love with you? I couldn't sit still and I got to the field fifteen minutes early just because I couldn't wait any longer, and neither could you because you were there.

As I walked up, I saw you sitting on the thirty yard line playing with the turf, and when you looked up at me you seemed surprised. "Grant, you're early." You said, standing up quickly and brushing turf off your legs.

"Yeah, I just, uh-"

"Couldn't wait?" You laughed. "I've been here for half an hour."

I laughed nervously, my insides going wild seeing you smile. It had been a long time since I had seen that. "So, what's up?"

"Well, uh, happy birthday for starters." You smiled. "It's a big one."

I shrugged. "If being able to be drafted into the army and charged for big boy crimes is a good thing, then I guess so."

You laughed, and not an awkward I-have-to-laugh-so-it's-not-awkward laugh, a real genuine Alina laugh. The laugh I missed so much.

"I don't think we're here to talk about that though." I said.

The smile dissipated from your face and you looked down at your feet. "Do you really love me?"

"Yes." I answered without hesitation.

"Are you sure though? Are you really sure?" You asked, eyebrows furrowed. "You could just miss me, you could just be upset I was with Sasha, so Grant, think about that, do you really love me?"

"Alina, I knew I loved you the second I looked up at the gorgeous Malibu sunset and was unhappy. I knew I loved you the minute I got home and you were all I could think about. I knew I loved you when you were sobbing in my arms after the party. I just-" I took a deep breath, getting lost in your eyes for a moment, your beautiful fucking eyes. "I don't know how else to explain it to you to make you understand. It's unlike anything I've ever felt before."

You took a deep breath. "What did you expect to get out of telling me that, Grant? Did you want me to break up with Sasha and get back together with you again? You hurt me. You never listened to me. You put your feelings above my well being."

"I know," I said back, my heart breaking a little. "I know I did all of those things, and I feel like shit about it and if I could take back every time I hurt you, I would a million times over. I know I can't make excuses for myself, but I truly didn't know then what I know now. I didn't realize what I had lost until you were gone and I felt like shit about it every day. I've just never felt this way about someone before. I've always thought of having girls as just something fun for myself, but what I had for you was so much more than that and I just didn't know how to act." I took a deep breath. "I never expected you to want to be with me again, I had hoped, but I know that I've made a lot of mistakes that seem unforgivable. I just want you to know that I'm sorry."