My Heart Belongs To A Football Player (boyxboy)

I'm not okay

Chapter 26

Gabe was let out of the hospital a few days later. He had only been shot with a tranquilliser, (which the hospital staff had asked plenty of questions about) so they only really kept him in because of the memory loss. All of the doctors were baffled as to why the only thing he couldn't remember was Quent.

Amnesia is not uncommon, but regardless of what Hollywood movies might say, forgetting specific past information is not how amnesia works. In the real world, amnesia more affects a persons ability to form new memories and remember information in general. Gabe's condition wasn't like that at all, and so even after tests and questions, and more tests they still had no idea what was wrong. However, physically, he seemed fine, so they had to send him home. 

But Gabe wasn't fine, and anyone who knew him at all could see that. Quent was still missing, and despite numerous pictures and videos, Gabe still didn't really know who he was. He kept asking, everyone, what was Quent like? Or, what would Quent think about this?

And occasionally he felt something. Like when he saw a book on American History in a bookshop, and then five minutes later found himself walking out with it. And when he'd laughed out loud at a commercial for a perfume named 'Suspiciously Masculine' for no very good reason. Just little things, every day, that made his heart ache.

Plus, learning about what him and Quent had been like together made him wish he could see that part of himself. Without Quent, he might never have had the courage to come out of the closet to his parents, or show the whole school up. But his altered brain blocked all his memories of that, and it was another thing he really wanted back.

Apparently there was another Gabe, the Gabe that had dated Quent. That Gabe wasn't weak like him, he was strong, he wasn't too afraid of what people would say to show his true colours, to be true to himself. Quent had made him the person he had always wanted to be, but couldn't manage alone. Gabe wanted to be that person again, he just didn't know how.

"But if I loved him so much, why can I not remember anything?" Gabe asked in despair.

He was currently sitting on his sister's bed, and picking at the duvet cover. She was feeding her hamster and trying to get him to go away.

"We've been over this so many times. Nobody knows why you can't remember, and until Quent is found, there isn't much more we can do. I'm sure that as soon as you see him, it'll all come rushing back to you, and everything will be sunshine and rainbows." She sighed.

"But what if it isn't? What if when I meet him, I hate him. Or worse, what if when we meet I feel nothing at all? Quent was the best thing that ever happened to me. And don't ask me how I know that, I just know. But maybe the person that loves him isn't even me, and maybe I'm not the one he really loves. What if when he looks me in the eye I realise everything I know I felt, everything... I think I still feel, was all just in my head?" Gabe blurted, eyes wide.

"Gabe, these are all just what if's. Don't torture yourself thinking about the possibilities. I'm sure you'll be fine." She comforted.

"But I'm not okay! It's like I'm a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing. I feel like a part of me isn't there anymore, and I think that's because he's gone, but I don't know! What if I never stop feeling like someone ripped my heart out? And don't tell me that everyone feels like something's missing, because that is not the same. I'm in love with someone I've never met, and it's driving me crazy because it might not even be real."

His sister turned and looked at him then, straight in the eyes.

"I know that you're hurt and confused by all of this, and you have a right to be. But I've never seen two people as perfect for each other as you and Quent. Sometimes, the way you looked at each other, it was like you knew what each other were thinking. No matter what anyone said, you two had something special." She concluded, smiling at him.

Gabe felt something then, something burning in the pit of his stomach. A need, pulling him to a place he had to go to. He stood up, without a word and walked out the room.

"Where are you going?" His sister called after him. He turned, and it was if he had entirely forgotten her existence until that point. He smiled.

"Where do you think I'm going? To get back my missing piece, to rediscover the best parts of me, to fall in love. I'm going to find Quent."

The End.

(Nah, I'm kidding, there's one more chapter)

Wow. This chapter was quite...thinky. It took me a while because I wanted to get it right. I don't want to rush this, and end up with some last minute crappy ending when I know I could write something better. But at the same time, I don't want it to be just another of my many unfinished projects. It's all over next chapter. *sniff*

It's been so nice getting all your comments! And thank you to all those people who just vote on every chapter. Occasionally I switch the WiFi on my phone on, and it basically explodes with notifications.

IF YOU SEE ANY SPELLING/GRAMMAR MISTAKES PLEASE TELL ME!