Something Phenomenal

Phenomenal: Thirty

Location: Ilocos

I started to feel unwell when we were in La Union that's why we decided to stay one more day before continuing our trip. Shane already insisted on going back but I couldn't. We're so close and I badly want to reach our destination.

I had a phone call with Mom while we're in the car heading to Ilocos. I was assuring her that everything's fine, we're almost there and we're going home tomorrow. She's at home with Iñigo and Mamala and I could hear their noises in the background and I bit my lips and told them I love them.

I was sitting on the passenger's seat of Shane's car, looking at the open sea at the side of the road, with the slopes of the green mountains on one side. It's like we're passing through a long bridge.

"Shane, let's stop here." Lumingon si Shane sa'kin habang nagd-drive. "It's so pretty, Shane. Let's go outside."

So we parked the car at the side of the road and stepped outside, the salty pleasant air greeting us. We walked on the side of the bridge overlooking the waves splashing on the rocky shore below us.

"Take a picture of me," ngiti ko. "Here!"

I excitedly pose, staring at the sea, with a the long curving road behind me, dress dancing in the wind. I took a deep breath then came the sharp pain in my chest. I tried to hide my discomfort before Shane notice it.

Then I also took pictures of Shane while a car or two would zoomed past us. And whenever the road was clear, we'd run into the middle and Shane would take pictures of me, laughing and dancing in my dress, blue hair matching the color of the sky. And when another car pass by, we would run back to the side of the road, laughing our hearts out, because to take a good picture requires talent and good reflexes.

"Let's take a picture together!" sabi ko kay Shane, setting the camera onto the ground, aligning it on the faded yellow lines. "Hurry bago pa may dumaan ulit!" tawa ko habang hinihila siya. Then we took a timer shot with both of us sitting in the middle of the road, grinning widely, with Shane's arms on my shoulder.

We continued our trip to the north tip of Luzon, driving for another hour, but Shane started to notice my weakening state and unstable breathing.

"Gab?"

He slowed down the car, so he could glance at me every few seconds. "Are you okay?"

Nakasandal ako sa bintana, eyes a little close. There's worry in his voice so I tried to smile. "Yes," I mumbled. "I'm happy."

Shane's grip on the steering wheel tighten, then he stared up, inhaled deeply then drive again.

Finally, we arrived at the church, the most majestic structure I've seen. I stared at it, astounded, from the long path towards its entrance with white flowers surrounding the wide yard.

It's so overwhelming to see something that witness a hundred years, a million prayers, a thousand lifetime, and in its eyes we're only a tiny piece in its long life, a fleeting second of unfamiliar faces, different situations and time.

I touched the walls as we enter the sacred silence of the place, as if when I do, I could be part of this place too, of its lifetime, and the lives it saw and would see.

"I always wish to be married here," I said, standing in front of the altar, my voice in a whisper along with the silent prayers of a few people with us.

I keep my eyes in the intricate and delicate carvings of the arches and ceiling. "Since I learned that Mamala and Pops met here I always wanted to visit this place and then wish to be married here."

I could feel Shane beside me, staring at me. Humarap ako sa kanya, nakangiti. "Shane, if you're going to meet a girl someday and marry her, can it be here? I want to meet her."

Shane keeps staring at me, then he said. "I'm staring at her now."

Then my smile became bittersweet, and tears started to roll down my eyes.

I wonder what it feels like to live a longer life. To plan for your future, to have thousand of days before you, to have a thousand more mornings, planning your career path, your wedding, the name of your children, or simple imagining where you would be a few years from now. Because I never got to feel it.

Shane embraced me in his arms while I'm crying in front of God.

"I'm sorry, Shane. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I won't get to stay longer. I'm sorry I might leave you any time. I'm sorry if I would hurt you once again."

He wrapped his arms around me into a tight embrace. "You're the best thing that happened to me, Gabriel. You will always be."

It's late afternoon when we went back to the car, I could feel myself losing strength as hours pass by. Then Shane and I decided on our last destination.

After an hour of driving, we stopped the car on a sandy ground, just a few steps from the open sea. I immediately opened the car door and run to see the beach, strong wind flying my hair. Dumerecho ako sa dagat hanggang umabot sa paa ko ang tubig.

"Shane!" I called, waving at him. "Shane, the water is so cold!"

Then he walks toward me from the car. Shane... dorky, sunshine, smiling Shane, who also gets serious, gets angry, get's worried, and who showed me what it feels like to be alive.

"Shane!" I called again, my voice colliding with the strong wind and the sound of the waves. "I love you!"

I'm grateful to live in this lifetime as you. And if someday we would meet again, in another time, another life, I would stay with you longer.

We took a long walk on the beach, the two of us, waters on our feet and the winds in our hair, with the gigantic windmills a few meters from us, towering, as if reaching the skies and we're down below, a speck of something, a tiny piece of a lifetime just like everything else in this universe.

But this something is my everything... my something phenomenal.

We decided to stay in the beach for the night before driving home. Shane set up blankets and pillows on the back of his car, thick blanket wrapped around the two of us while watching the setting sun.

"Shane?" I said, eyes on the enthralling beauty of the oranges, yellows and pinks in the sky. "Promise me you'd live your best life."

Naramdaman ko ang mariin niyang hawak sa mga kamay ko.

"Promise me you'd only cry for me once, then live for the rest of your life."

I leaned on his shoulders, breathing deeply. "Live freely, Shane."

"I love you..." he whispered. "... more than you'll ever know."

Ngumiti ako. "I know, Shane... I always know."

The sunset is so pretty, so calm. I hope it stays beautiful as always, even if I won't be here to see it.

"I'm a little tired, Shane," I whispered. "Wake me up for the sunrise."

I felt his warm tears on my arms as he hugged me closer and kissed my forehead.

"Rest easy, now Gab. I'll wake you up."

I stared at Shane and smiled, and slowly I closed my eyes. The last thing I saw was the setting sun.

***