The Kabir Singh Story

Bleeding on the floor-Priyanka

When Priyanka got Kabir talking, the words flew out of his mouth like he was trying to get the story out as fast possible. Unfortunately for him, listening to people is what she did for living and so she was able to listen to all the words said and unsaid. 

She hadn't really known he was on cocaine, but her brain had started to realize he was on high much different than weed could provide and cocaine seemed like the most generic answer. 

"We met here at the hospital five years ago. She was 25 and still a med student at the university who had just started doing rotations, I was 27 and was surgical resident. It was love at first sight and we spent years happily together. She passed med school, I finished my residency, we had planned on getting married and all was going well in our lives until last year when it all went downhill. 

I only met her parents two years ago and they despised me. It was partly a caste issue but they were more evolved than to ever admit that out loud, they disliked that connection with my family wouldn't be more advantageous for them and they mentioned disliking my attitude as well. We decided to get married in secret without anyone knowing and were married nearly six months before her parents brought a proposal for with no choice but to accept. She refused the proposal and we made plans to run away together but out of nowhere one day I wake up to phone calls from my friends telling me she'd gotten married. 

I had no idea how that was possible since we'd had a register wedding and I stormed over to her house where the 'small-boho" wedding was taking place and caused an enormous scene. Her father took more than a little pleasure in showing me the divorce papers I had apparently signed and had the police come and arrest me for drunken disorderly behaviour". 

He finally took a breath and looked at her and he saw that she was struggling to understand one piece of his story. "I never signed any divorce paper but a week before that she had sent Amrita to my house with some papers she needed me to sign for our joint bank account and I signed them without question because I'd trusted her. The last time I saw her was on her wedding day, sitting at the mandap and she refused to look at me. Refused to acknowledge my presence. Ever since then this has been my life". 

 He waited a few moments to be sure that he was truly done with his story/rant before she worked up the nerve to speak to him again. 

"Wow"

"yeah"

"No I mean seriously wow!" she cleared my throat "First of all I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that, it sounds terrible and heartbreaking. Second of all, I can't believe that her father had problems with your attitude back then if this is you now."

That quick jab got a quick smile out of him and that's when she confidently went in for the kill. 

"Thirdly, what are you going to do about it?"

His brows furrowed in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"What are you going to do about it? What do you even want to happen?"

"Do you want her to leave her husband for you? Do you want to kidnap her and runaway? Do you want to die?"

His face remained in shock from my brazen attitude but honestly he should be used to it by now.

"No, I don't want to die" he answered and she believed him. "I've never said that before and I never believed it before but no, I don't want to die"

"I don't want her to leave her husband for any other reason than its what she wants to do. As much as I want her in my life, I'm done chasing her now. If she won't come to me willingly I guess I won't have her".

"Very commendable, your respect for women's autonomy is something that should be admired" she said unable to help herself. "so again, back to my original question. What are you going to do about it?"

"What the hell do you mean by that" he said his temper getting the better of himself.

"I mean what do you plan to do for the rest of your life. If she does comeback to you, that's great but what are you going to do in the meantime just sit around mopey until she comes back and finds you in a big mess? Or are you going to build life that's worthy of you so that if she does comeback you're worthy of her or of somebody else you might decide to share your life".

Feeling guilty about basically berating him after he had exposed his painful past, she dialled in back a few notches. 

"Look" she said rising from the sofa "despite what you think I'm not trying to tell you how to live your life or trying to control it for you. Somehow or another you became my friend and someone I trusted, so in my head it's only fair I return the favour to you".

"If you don't think you'll ever be able to move on from your Pree, there's nothing I could say or do to change your mind about that. But I will say living the way you are is by no means are requirement for not letting go. Holding onto people is only painful if you are only holding onto the pain and that's exactly what you are doing. You are holding onto the pain she made you feel not the love that changed your life and I think it's a damn shame. It's waste of your talent and abilities and it does nothing more than tarnish the memory of her and the love you guys shared". 

He finally looked at her and she could see the tears begin to fill his bloodshot eyes. Some people like Jaya for instance, would crave to be comforted in this situation but he just wanted to be alone and she wasn't going to get in the way of that. 

"I'm going back to the twins you have my number if you need me. Let's meet up at Jaya's room once the surgery is over" and without another word she was out the door. She let out a big breath of air trying to calm myself from the experience inside his office. 

He'd bared so much, maybe  too much, and she understood more about him than she ever thought she would. She felt more connected to him than ever and it scared her so much. Nothing good could come out of caring for someone with so many demons in the closet and so unwilling to change. But that was something she couldn't change, once you start to care its very hard to stop and even then it's nearly impossible to forget. 

She couldn't change him and she shouldn't want to but that didn't mean she'd be complicit with his disastrous choices. She believed him when he'd said he never came to work high but who knows what the future held and if she had any power over it she had to exercise it to be able to sleep peacefully at night. She stopped by the hospital pharmacy on her way back to the twins and spent the next hour playing with them alone before a nurse came by to retrieve her. 

"Ms. Rajan, we've been told that Mrs.Grover's surgery is over and that you can go down again. The babies are staying up here as Mrs. Grover is still too unwell to see them, Dr. Singh is already there waiting for you".   

She ran back to Jaya's room and immediately noticed him sitting in the chair watching over Jaya's sleeping form. When he saw her he got up and nodded his head in greeting " Are you ready to go?"

"already? There's nothing else we have to do for her?"

"The nurses have it covered and Dr.Patel briefed me on everything we need to know for her care, so if you're ready we can head home". 

She nodded complacently before reaching into her big shopping bag and pulled out two magazines she had purchased at the pharmacy for Jaya and left them on the bedside table for her. 

"Ready when you are" and they headed out to make the silent journey home.