𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐛𝐨𝐨𝐤 𝐈

~Hallucinations~

-"My head is a very dark place."-

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She was never good at comforting someone or giving advice. She was good at killing and fighting and corrupting people. Brainwashing them.

She simply forgot how to help someone in the way they needed it. It just wasn't in her blood anymore. It was never meant to be a part of her, and she accepted that.

She used her mind in the only way she knew how. She used it to trap their minds and use it to her advantage. She didn't care about how others felt and the consequences. She hurt them and didn't care.

But with him...she didn't want to hurt him in the way she had been hurting herself. She hated feeling like that. She built up her bullet-proof walls so high for a reason.

But deep down...she was scared.

She was scared of feeling again and then getting hurt again.

She was so damn terrified.

She was scared of falling and not having the strength to get up and be emotionless again. She was scared she was never going to put back her broken pieces.

But he made falling not so bad.

She knew he would be there to catch her...but would he drop her after he got tired of holding her?

She knew he was a bad idea. He had the power alone to break her beyond repair or heal her.

And she gave him that power.

And she hated herself for it.

~

The drive back to the estate was deafening and thick with tension. He had both hands on the steering wheel, gripping it tightly as he got blood on it. He kept his stormy eyes trained on the road, not even looking at her or touching her thigh like he normally did.

He didn't waste a second to go into the bedroom and take a hot shower, easing the tension in his body. In the back of her mind, she couldn't help but think if she did something wrong. Her negative mind convinced her that she was somehow at fault for something she had no part in.

One second she and Alexei were chatting about business, and the next he found his blood-drenched hands attacking 4 lifeless men. She thought maybe if she hadn't gone with Alexei alone then he wouldn't have spiraled out of control.

She thought that since they were together now, that meant that she should've noticed that something was bothering him and did something. But she shouldn't have blamed herself when she did nothing wrong.

So she took her frustration out on a punching bag until she almost fainted from the exhaustion. She caught a glimpse of someone behind her and turned around to who she thought was Luca.

It wasn't.

It was him.

Her skin drained of all color and her eyes were wide in shock. Her body shook in fear and anxiety and she backed up into the bag. Her eyes glossed over in horror. She felt so vulnerable and helpless as he crept towards her. She flinched away and her hands went on the sides of her head and into her hair.

Her knees sank to the ground as she hunched over and cradled her head. Tears blinded her vision but didn't fall. She couldn't look at him, she wouldn't.

This was all a nightmare and she was trapped. She couldn't stop shaking and her breathing became erratic. She made sure that he couldn't hurt her again, but yet here he was. Her breathing became irregular and she couldn't stop trembling.

He was going to take her again. He was going to punish her for running away ten years ago.

"Tsk. Tsk, Tsk. You have been very bad. It's time for your punishment," he hummed. Tears blurred everything out and all she could focus on was his face. She flinched harder as his hand neared her face. She couldn't control her breathing and the fear in her blood.

And when he touched her...it was soft and gentle. Nothing how he would grab her. His hand was slightly calloused but it was smooth, nothing how his rough hand felt like.

"Shh...Baby, it's me. Diavola it's okay, amore mio. I got you," a deep velvet cooed. She still trembled in his arms while panic and guilt overtook him. He had been so cold to her in the car ride and he couldn't help think that this was his fault when all she had done was help him.

She still didn't realize that it was Luca who was holding her. To her, it was still that monster that was going to punish her.

He picked her up off of the ground, and she winced and buried her head into his bare chest that was warm from the hot water. He felt a tremendous amount of worry and protectiveness over her. He held her tighter to make her feel safer and to tell her that nothing was going to hurt her.

"It's me, Tesoro. It's your Luca. Your safe," he cooed, brushing the hair out of her face with a gentle hand.

Dr. Salib had warned that she was going to start hallucinating on the 3rd day of recovery, but his previously fogged mind made him forget.

He felt guilty and thought he should've paid more attention to her.

He carried her to the room and laid her down on the bed and held her body close to him. She buried her head into his chest and her hands on his torso, trying to suppress the tears. She didn't even know she was starting to sink into the darkness. He wrapped his arms around her bare waist and pulled her impossibly closer, wanting to feel her skin to make sure she was okay.

When he thought she was sleeping he carefully was about to get up, not wanting to violate her by sleeping in the same bed as her if she didn't want to.

But she wrapped her arms around his neck before he could get up.

"Stay," she whispered. He smiled and held her tighter against him and kissed the crown of her head as he started to give in to sleep. For the first time in a long time, he felt peaceful and a sense of serenity.

He noticed this only happens with her.

He kissed her eyelids before putting his chin on the top of her head and closing his eyes.

These hallucinations were getting too real, and soon she wouldn't be able to hide the other ones from him. She had done a good job of hiding the other ones, but this one was too vivid and brought up too many nightmares and bad memories.

She just had to keep reminding herself that they weren't real.