Depressed Hinata

| TWO |

There are a few things about Hinata that nobody knows. Not even his mom or his therapist.

The first thing is his suicidal thoughts. 

The second thing is that he cuts.

The third thing is that he's gay.

Hinata doesn't wanna tell anyone about those two things. He already costs his family so much money. He doesn't need to go to a mental hospital for his suicidal thoughts. And, about the cutting, he doesn't want to cause his family more pain. 

Hinata had a small pocket knife that he used to hurt himself. When he couldn't sleep, he would sometimes cut, just to pass the time. 

He doesn't really know why he cuts. Maybe it's to punish himself for all he costs his family. Maybe it's to feel relief from his other pain. His personal theory is that he's addicted to making himself feel pain. 

As for the gay thing, he's just not ready to come out. He doesn't know how his family will react, how his friends will react, and if they'll tell anyone. And, even if he was ready to come out, his social anxiety would make it so much harder to come out.

When he was cutting, he would take his knife, and slowly drag it across his wrist, until he feels the twinge of pain, and he sees the red of blood. 

Like he did at eleven in the night on the day after the day he forgot to take his medicine. Even though this Thursday he was medicated, he still felt like shit, and wanted to feel pain.

As he cut his wrist, he winced a bit, then felt an immediate wave of relief. He did it again. And again. He slit his wrists enough to make his wrist bloody to the point where he couldn't see how many times he had cut himself anymore. He rushed to the bathroom, and washed off the blood slowly. He bandaged his wrist so then the bleeding would stop. He didn't want to get blood on his bedsheets. 

He slept soundly after that.

Friday morning he woke up and went to school. It was a normal day. Nothing happened. No volleyball practice. Just school.

As he was walking home with Kageyama, Kageyama asked the same question, which was starting to annoy Hinata.

"What's with you? You've been acting weird, and dodging my questions." He asked.

"This again?" Hinata asks. "Let it go! It was nothing." 

"The way you say that makes me think it wasn't nothing." Kageyama keeps his eyes facing forward. Hinata decides to stay silent. "Come on! Just tell me!" Kageyama insists.

"It's none of  your business Kageyama." 

"So, you admit it wasn't nothing!"

"Stop twisting my words!" Hinata starts to get frustrated.

"You didn't deny it." Kageyama states, sensing Hinata's growing frustration, but still persisting.

"Kageyama! Stop it!" Hinata turns to face him.

"Look, if you don't wanna tell me, whatever. But, that's not gonna make me stop asking." Kageyama shrugs. 

"I'm not gonna tell you!" Hinata stomps.

"You're like an annoyed kid."

"Now you're just being mean!" Hinata whines. Kageyama shrugs. 

"So, why are you being weird about this?"

"Kageyama!" Hinata cries out.

"Tell me, and I'll stop bugging you."

"You'll never stop bugging me."