Part Of My World | H.S.

I'm going home, I'm going

I woke up the next morning with mixed feelings and a headache from the caffeine/no sleep combination the day before had caused me. As expected, my brain didn't manage to shut off and the absence of Harry's arms around my body only intensified the effect of the coffee I had drunk at Cedar's. When I had gotten back to the house, the pitch black darkness allowed me to sneak in, past Harry's bedroom, to the guest room I had spent more than just a few nights in months ago. He had been right, there were still some of my clothes left in the closet, so I threw one of the oversized vitange shirts on laid down, only to end up scrolling on my phone most of the night.

I was avoiding him, like I always was when an important conversation was necessary, like I had avoided him the morning after we hooked up for the first time. It was different now though, I knew I should have just had the guts to talk to him straight away, but I needed to be sure of my decision first. Funny enough, in the end, it was my phone that made me realize that where ever in the world either of us were gonna be, we were still gonna be together, because my  very own screensaver, the photo of the sunflowers he had given me along with the note that he had always known I was gonna be a star, reminded me that he was going to support me in my career no matter what.

London was only an ocean away and he could visit me in between recording his album. I could visit him as well, perhaps, if my understudy would take over for one or two shows. He had his own house in the UK and all of his family, it was not like it would have been an inconvenience for him to come, right? At least that was how I was trying to verify my decision that I was gonna take the role. I had listened to the soundtrack of the original cast recording at some point of the night and the songs suddenly resonated with me even more and not just because both Jenna and me had lost their mothers. Jenna's story was actually much more similar to my Mom's then to mine.

Dragging my weary body into the hallway, I noticed that the door to his master bedroom was open, which signified that he was already up. He wasn't inside, so I carefully steppened down the tiled stairs that lead me to Harry's huge living space which was directly connected to the open kitchen. My palms were sweating and my hands were shaking once I stepped in, tiptoeing past the enormous couch in front of the tv that we regularly watched movies on. To my left, the unmistakable view of Harry stiring a pot of hot chocolate revealed itself to me. I peaked around the corner, unsure of what I was supposed to do or say.

"Are you gonna stand there and hide in the corner all day?", Harry huffed, not bothering to turn around. He was wearing his pair of gym shorts that he usually wore for hiking and his grey treat people with kindess hoodie from his own merch that I had stolen from him many  time before over the course of us being together. When he moved aside to get milk from the fridge, I caught a glimpse of his face. He looked tired, even more tired than me. "I thought you were joking when you said you missed sneaking around and sleeping in the guest room. Are we gonna do this all over again? Because I'm having a deja vu right now."

He was making me my favorite comfort drink, yet he was not looking me in the eyes. I could hear the slight annoyance in his voice. After our little dispute on the day of our failed date, I knew the difference between that and sarcasm, although in that moment I wish I didn't. It was obvious, that he was trying to sound humorous but it wasn't funny to him and I couldn't blame him, I should have just gone back to his room last night. Walking closer to him, I tried testing the waters. I hated everything about this."If the deja vu is me being scared that you're mad at me, then yes I'm having one too."

"I was worried about you for God's sake!", Harry exclaimed, throwing the spoon into sink, causing me to flinch. Sh*t that was even worse. "You didn't get home for hours and then you didn't say anything when you did. I thought you were gone the whole night. I had no idea you would be sleeping in the guest room until I starting looking for you", he told me, almost aggressively running his hands through his tousled hair. "There was a bouquet of white lillies delivered here this morning. For a second I though that someone died or something like that! And that you ran away to hurt yours-"