ECHOES OF THE WIND : Jacob & Renesmee

28.FLASHBACK

JACOB

I kept walking until I made sure that I am out of everyone's reach. 

I am not sure about how I feel! 

I am not sure of what really happened was even real or a nightmare I would never ever wish for to come true? The winter air snapped at my face. 

Why has those blue eyes turned out to be such a great influence at her? 

My shoes dragged across the forest floor, reaching for my house as soon as I could. I tried to think of the reason she stood there, without an answer. 

Was she really unsure of how she feels? Or was she just afraid to accept? 

I shook my head hard and stopped; catching my breath. I hate this feeling, to not know how should I feel right at this point in my life where the world I looked at has turned upside down. My heart sank deeper and it felt like the amount of oxygen in the surrounding has been reduced. 

And now, all I could do is stare helplessly. 

"Jacob?" I heard Jared's  voice, trying to catch up with my slowed-down pace. 

"Jacob, stop!" I half-heartedly turned to face them, while both of them caught up with me. 

Embry glowered at me. "What's wrong with you?" 

"Am all fine!" I prompted. No! I'm not fine. Not at all. I am confused, frustrated, angry and irritated and hurt and broken. "Nothing's wrong with me." I blinked. 

Jared smirked, followed by a smaller laugh. "Look at you!" 

I found myself trembling vigorously with the anger boiling up inside me. This was obvious because I don't know what to do when the person you need right now is the same person you can't talk to when you need them the most. 

What am I supposed to do now?! 

"I just thought to get go get some rest." I lied. 

He raised a brow at me. 

"We'll catch up, later." I said forcing a smile and turned to leave. 

After walking another mile, I found the familiar glow of my house and I choosed the road to my garage; to fix those things are that I never could......because I lost the pieces to her. The anger has seemed to destroy my every thoughts and feelings, my courage and now it's on the verge to destroy me. 

I will kill him! 

I know after that I will lose everything, even Renesmee. Just a moment do I have her now? Atleast it would not huant me that I lost her to someone else. In this life she makes me stable and then she pulls away every single thing beneath my feet and this is not different to the fact that I can no longer stand. 

I feel shaken....shaken to the core, mitigated and deflected. I don't hate her for doing this. It is something that I never could, but I am just shaken about the fact that she turned into something she said she never would. And it hurts. 

I have this perfect picture in my mind, of how things are supposed to be and that's why end of here standing shaken. After all we have been through, I have a lost her again even without realising it. I really love her. I still do. I dare say I love her more than anyone else ever has or ever will. But isn't it frightening that it wasn't enough? Isn't it? 

It's painful. It's frightening. It makes me doubt myself. And holding on to anger feels like drinking in poison. I never got a chance to say sorry and it's all because of 'him'. It's because she had the second option. She had 'him'.