Peckfriends - Saida

Selfish

Dahyun didn't tell the others what happened between her and Eunwoo, she just said they're nothing now. Even when all of them wanted to ask, they didn't because the young girl looked too sad to remind her of the situation. Some of them just wanted to find the guy and kick his ass, but some others just wanted to found out why it suddenly ended in the worse way.

And there is Sana, trying to comfort Dahyun who lately prefers to be alone, and the guilty feeling is filling the japanese's body.

Sana didn't mean it, she didn't want Dahyun to get hurt, now is desperately wanting to make it up. She remembers how she wanted the younger girl to be sad to comfort her, but now she thinks at that idea as totally stupid and heartless, because it is really not funny seeing Dahyun like this.

It was being really hard to pretend in front of everyone, Sana felt like she would explode in anytime. Sometimes she thinks that maybe it wasn't real, maybe she just fell asleep in Dahyun's room and dreamed of it, she tries to convince herself that it wasn't her fault at all, because Eunwoo was the one who made the final decision. But still, she can't blame him, because it wasn't all his fault, even when Sana wants to believe it. She did lie, because all of them already know how dangerous it could be to have a relationship right now, but they don't care anymore, they just want to love and care for someone who do and feel the same as them, without thinking every time if someone could find it out and ruin their careers.

This concerned girl was eating without knowing what is on her plate, her best friend noticed her state and tried to understand, because Momo knows Sana so well and she can bet something is wrong, but will wait until her bestie decide to speak.

— Unnie? — Sana jumped in her place — Are you ok?

Sana looked at the owner of that sweet and soft voice, with those sad eyes and fine lips who barely smile those days, Dahyun was being caring with her even when she's having a bad time, she's surely the best girl, and Sana was feeling like the baddest. Don't need to explain why.

— Yes, totally — The older lied — And you? Do you want something?

The group tried to play it cool, pretending that everything was ok, doing some small things like ordering Dahyun's favorite food or playing her favorite songs, and the girl was grateful for that, she didn't want too much attention in her issues.

But Dahyun showed her real feelings to Sana, because sometimes she needs to tell someone that she's not happy, not hyper, not in the mood to play and laugh. Sometimes she feels sad, she wants to cry a little, she wants to show herself without being judged or with everyone asking things that she's not ready to answer.

— A hug, please

Because Sana don't need a reason, she doesn't ask or something, that girl just smile and gives you the best hug you could never receive. And Sana did it as always, and the younger smiled in that hug feeling better. But the older one wasn't hugging her dongsaeng tight to cheer her up, she was mentally apologizing and begging for forgiveness.

— Thank you, unnie — Dahyun said while separating slowly, then walked towards somewhere, Sana didn't pay attention.

She can't take it anymore, she is currently a big part of Dahyun's pain. Sana felt miserable, the way her dongsaeng hugged her wanting some comfort in the most innocent and needy way, she felt herself taking advantage of it, she didn't deserve Dahyun's trust, hugs, kisses or friendship.

Sana stood up and, while washing her dishes, decided to tell Dahyun all the truth. The girl dried her hands and looked for the younger one, she was right in front of her door and with her hand up to knock it, but she couldn't move, she knows that's what she got to do, but is so afraid.

She deserves it if Dahyun doesn't want to talk to her ever again, totally, she deserves if all the girls find it out and want to kick her out of the group, because she knows she was bad and have no excuses.

She can't do it.

Sana walked away towards another room, didn't bother to knock first, she just entered and saw her best friend just lying in her bed, it seems like she was waiting. And yes, Momo was waiting.

— I was the problematic one of us, but you're doing great those days — Momo said, looking at Sana's puppy eyes — Ok, tell me

— Momoring — The girl whined — I did something awful — The named frowned — I need to admit it out loud, because it feels like a really heavy bag on my back — Momo sat straight and palmed a space on her bed.

Sana obeyed and sat on the bed, looking down and with her eyes filled with bright tears, realizing too many things in a short time, she wasn't ready for that. Momo started to worry more than before, patting Sana's shoulder with a serious expression, but trying to give her the trust to say what she wants to say.

— Sana, I'm your best friend, almost your real sister, please tell me what is it — Sana sobbed.

— I-I ruined everything, it's all my fault, only my fault... — The girl shuttered her eyes — I talked with... I mean, he called Dahyun, but I answered the phone and... — Afraid, she decided to whisper — I told him that it'll be not a great idea date Dahyun... — Momo just froze with her mouth and eyes wide open — I said it'll be bad for their careers and I told him all your struggles, all Jihyo's struggles, and only bad things to scare him — Sana left out a broken cry — And he was so understanding, I hate him! He said that I'm a good unnie for telling him all those things, but I'm just the baddest! I broke Dahyun's heart!

Momo hugged her best friend tight, still processing what she just said, Sana held Momo's clothes and kept crying as silently as she can. She thought that Momo would get mad and nag her like she never did before, in her mind was even the possibility of her bestie wanting to end their friendship too. But Momo didn't, she was just patting Sana's back while saying things to calm her down, the older was looking for right words, but she would never have left Sana alone.

The older one is sure about what is happening to Sana, and wants her bestie to just accept it, but she will have to use her words great to make Sana see the truth.

— Oh, Sana... — Momo started — Why did you do that? — The girl shook her head.

— I don't know, Momoring... I was just mad, she rejected my peck for that guy — Momo sighed.

— Ah... that was selfish — She explained — You know what else is selfish? — Sana hummed a “no” — Love, love is selfish — They split up — For love, you can do the best things you could imagine, but it can also make you do awful things too, just like this... That's why it's dangerous to love someone without knowing it

— No — Momo rolled her eyes.

— Sana, stop denying it! It's hurting you!

— No, I can't

— Stop all this “peckfriend” thing! You need time to reflex! You will hurt Dahyun again!

— I won't — Momo lost her words, didn't know what else say — I would never do that again — Sana looked into her bestie's eyes —Because I love her, and I'd die if I do something like that again