Let me love you

Chapter 31

I tie my hair in a low ponytail and pull up my black leggings, checking myself out in my full-length mirror. 

I look good today.

I'm pretty confident about myself now and learned to have a better relationship with my body but I wasn't always like this.

One thing I used to be insecure about a lot when I was younger was my thighs. I'm more of an hourglass or pear-shaped figure so, if I put on weight, it would usually all go there and I didn't like that, especially when I would sit down, and they will appear even bigger.

Another thing I was insecure about was my height. I didn't like how I was on the shorter side. I wanted to be at least 5"5 or 5"6 when I grew up but ended up being 5"4 which now I don't mind at all.

There are some things that I'm still semi insecure about but it's usually when I think about it a lot. One thing is my small boobies being only a 32A. I only get insecure about them in a very specific moment and that's during sex. If I lay on my back my chest looks almost completely flat and sometimes it gets to my head, making me unable to enjoy sex as much as I would've.

The other thing is my hip bones actually. It sounds weird when I think about it, but my hip bones stick out like they're very prominent especially when I wear tight clothes that aren't made of a very thick material. 

I'm not underweight or anything like I'm on a healthy weight for my height and age, but they stick out anyway. Sometimes it bothers me because it may put me off from wearing something I wanted to wear or make me feel less attractive when I wear bikinis in the summer.

A rapid knocking on my balcony doors snaps me out of my thoughts. I turn to look at Ian standing there and motion with my hands for him to just open the doors.

"Did you forget I keep it unlocked for you?"

"No, but I wanted to make sure I wasn't coming in a weird moment, you know?" He says, scratching the back of his neck before looking at me up and down.

"Oh, I know. Don't worry if I do anything kinky it'll be at night, " I say, patting his shoulder whilst smiling at him.

"Yeah, good to know so, shall we go decorate? " He clears his throat and starts walking towards the living room.

"Yes, we shall, " I say, following him.

"Dad helped me out yesterday by bringing the tree parts here and screwing on the base for us, just to be sure we don't screw things up, " I say, looking at all the fake tree parts that are scattered around our living room floor.

"Okay that's good but do we just stick the rest of them in?" he says, taking off his jacket and throwing it on the sofa before coming to squat down next to me, looking at everything.

"Kinda, you see they all have a colour band at the end and a letter, so we need to separate first all of them to their category and then put them in their specific place, " I say, picking up a part that belongs to the pink category.

"Oh, okay I see. Damn, I thought this would be easier! " He says, sitting down criss-cross legged and picking up a stick of the red category.

"I wasn't going to do all the hard part on my own, " I say, laughing softly.

"Wasn't expecting you to, " he says.

We continue to separate all the different size sticks into their category before starting from the bottom up to put them in. The very top of this tree is already pieced so, we'll just stick it and screw it securely at the end.  It took us about half an hour to put the Christmas tree together and now the fun part starts, decorations.

"So, will you be doing anything for Christmas?" I ask as I put a small white bobble on.

"No, we don't do anything special apart from having lunch and dinner together and watching a movie all together at night surprisingly, " he says, decorating the top half of the tree that I can't reach. 

"Wow, yeah, that's nice I guess, " I say awkwardly, cause I don't know what else to say to that.

"What will you be doing?"

"I'll have lunch with my parents and watch a movie or two as well with them before going to Felix's place for dinner with my friends, " I say, putting the small gingerbread house on the stick.

"That's really nice, " he says, twirling the ballerina in his hands before sighing and putting it on the tree.

"I was going to ask you if you'll want to come but I figure the answer would be no to that, am I right?" I ask, feeling bad for not being able to spend Christmas together.

"Yeah, I can't come but thanks for considering me and don't feel too guilty please, because Eddie and Frankie will pass by and stay with me for a few hours, " he says, turning to look at me.

At this moment both of us are squatting down, reaching for another bobble to put on the tree. His beautiful warm eyes staring once again into mine.

"That's good to know. It makes me feel better but maybe we can spend some time on New Year's Eve together, " I say, swallowing hard at the proximity between our faces that is putting sparks in my stomach. 

"Yeah, we can do that. My parents will be out with friends all night until 2 am probably like other times, " he says smiling.

"Perfect! There's a party that we're all going to, you can bring your friends as well. Is a much smaller party than the previous one so, I think you'll like it more this time, " I say, turning back towards the tree to create some distance between us.

I can still feel his stare burning through my head though.

"Yeah, that sounds good, " he says, chuckling before going back to helping me decorate the tree as we listen to Christmas songs.

A particular lyric seems very fitting to what I'm starting to feel for Ian.

All I want for Christmas is you.

There's also Jacob though, which I don't know if he really likes me romantically or not.

I need to figure things out, the sooner, the better. 

A/N

What is something that you are or used to be insecure about?

Do you guys like the Christmas holidays?

I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and stay tuned for the next one coming on Wednesday!

Will Jacob make a move? Maybe...maybe not 👀🤷‍♀️

Feel free to comment & vote ❤️

Hope you have a nice week! Xx

All the love -M ❤️