This Love: Spencer Reid

two

"who did this to spence?"

it was then i could see hotch's demeanor shift from pity to a slightly uncomfortable one i couldn't quite place.

"we aren't sure yet. we have every unit in the F.B.I evaluating at least one aspect of the murder. we will catch whoever did this, i promise. unfortunately the B.A.U does not have lead-way and therefore is not in the position to take crucial steps in the investigation. so please, if u need time- take it. you won't be letting anyone down. just, take care of yourself."

it was clear he was trying to comfort me but his words had the opposite effect. my throat tightened and my ears rang.

"wait, whoever killed spencer is free to just walk around? shouldn't we be in witness protection? what about diana? please tell me there are officers with her or something."

"i can guarantee the second we know who it is they won't be free. and at the rate the F.B.I is working, that will be soon. i'll contact you as soon as i know anything. you're aware of the statistics, killing a federal agent is a major deal. diana is in witness protection and the F.B.I decided we aren't in danger. spencer was the only target."

his voice dropped to an almost whisper and he ducked his head down to see my eyes.

i lowered my head with a shaky sigh, running my hands through my hair to steady myself.

"ok... ok. thanks. but i don't want to take the week off, really. i want to help. i want to help him. spencer... he deserves all hands on deck."

hotch nodded slowly. "i understand. again, there really is not much the B.A.U can do unfortunately. i've been making phone calls all day but apparently a profile wouldn't help. beleive me, i understand, but if being involved will help you in any way the by all means, please stay."

"it will help me." i said, and with that i walked out of his office with shaky legs.

i heard gentle music coming from the speakers in the lobby and i stopped short.

beethoven.

emily stood by the exit, staring ahead. when she saw me she quickly walked over.

"fran! hey, are you okay?"

before i could even nod and give a broad "yeah bad day" remark i felt my knees buckling.

i gasped and sunk to my knees and onto the cold tile floor, sobbing against my will.

she quickly fell to the ground next to me, stroking my hair and whispering soothing words into my ear.

i could hear the fear and confusion slipping through her voice.
she didn't know what happened to you.
i couldn't take it from her.

i cried into her shoulder and tried weakly to steady my breathing, well aware this would turn into a panic attack soon if i didn't calm down.

i guess derek saw me because he ran over and crouched down, wrapping his hands firmly around my shoulders and giving me a hard shake.

it didn't work.

my senses felt blurred and emily felt miles away even though she was as close as she could possibly be.

i felt cold water dripping down my cheek and i opened my eyes. i didn't even remember closing them.

my shaky breathing faded into a echo. derek pulled me into a tight hug, not caring that the entire contents of his ice cold water bottle was dripping down me and soaking into his dress shirt.

"i know, i know. it's okay." his voice drifted through my foggy head, his words meaningless.

he didn't know.