This Love: Spencer Reid

8

we don't bother with meeting at the police station. garcia has already traced mal's location,

all we have to do is get him.

i go with emily to the back of his house while hotch and morgan try to get in from the front.

and then i see him, he's looking at me from his window.

i freeze.

and then i run to open the door.

and i'm alone with him.

the man that killed you.

for a split second, i want him to kill me. that way i'll die the same way you did. maybe we'd be closer that way. but i can't think like that, not when i'm so close.

i'm not scared. i have the gun this time.

"fran." mal greets with a smile.

but it's not a welcoming smile. its a cruel smile, like he knows me or something. i don't smile back.

i grab my gun from my back pocket and raise it at him. i try to stop the shaking in my hand but it's useless.

i don't want him to know what i know. i don't want him to know just how much he took from me that night. i don't want him to know the hesitance behind my confidence.

i study his face first. the same one that looked into your eyes when you died. the last thing you saw.

i try to convince myself that pointing a gun at this mans head is justifiable.

it is. i know it is.

he doesn't look afraid, he looks amused. it doesn't surprise me. he's a physcopath.

first i shoot him in the leg and i watch that emotionless face twist into one painted with genuine fear.

pain.

it scares me

so i shoot him again, in the heart.

i shoot him in the heart because shooting him in the head feels so wrong. he can't die the same way you did.

hotch breaks open the door when he hears gun shots, and when he sees me kneeling next to mal's body he understands.

i'm covered in his blood. i'm shaking. people's hands are all over me but i don't know who they belong to. i close my eyes because everything is too much.

i kind of expect something bigger, though.

i expect that some part of you will be there when i open my eyes.

but there isn't.

even though i killed him.

even though i did what i did for you, there's nothing for me.

and it hurts so badly, because i thought this time i'd really find you.