The Right Side of Tanner

Chapter 15

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It's been over two weeks since my night with Jenna at the karaoke bar. The night that nearly gave me a heart attack when that jackass decided to follow her to the restroom. Since that night, I haven't been able to think of anything but the look in her eyes and that smile she gave me when she left.

It gave me hope that she could possibly harbor feelings for me. Feelings that I never thought I'd want, feelings that make me feel strange and confused. I think I'm turning soft, becoming the kind of guy that I swore I'd never be. I'm considering things like commitment and dating. The thought of settling down is terrifying, but doing so with a woman like Jenna- that's something I can get behind.

The team has a week of traveling ahead of us, and we're currently taking a shuttle from the airport to our hotel. My roommate when we travel is usually Damien, one of our goalies. He's sitting next to me on the bus, showing me someone he matched with on his dating app. I feign interest and nod my head as he goes on and on about how hot she is and how he plans on meeting up with her after our game tomorrow.

It's something I probably would have done, too, if it weren't for Jenna. Now that I have these strange new feelings for her, no other woman even comes close. I don't even know if I have a chance with her, but the thought of anyone coming in and messing things up with her makes me crazy.

Since my realization that I've started to catch feelings for her, I've texted her a few times, trying to make small talk, but I'm too chicken to admit how I feel. Part of me wants to do it- just go for it, consequences be damned. The other part is terrified of rejection. Yeah, she's rejected me before, but that was back when I didn't feel like this. Now, I think her rejection would sting a lot more. Now, it could really do some damage.

~

After our first away game, Damien tells me he won't be coming back to our room for the night because he's hooking up with his dating app girl at her place. He makes sure to let me know that the hotel room is mine if I want to bring a girl back.

I haven't brought a girl back to our hotel all season. Why would I start now? At first, I'd play along when he'd make an offer like this and say, 'oh yeah, thanks, man' or 'you know I'll be getting some.' For some reason, I don't feel like playing along anymore- I haven't for a while. So, instead of my usual replies, I've been telling him the truth- that I won't be needing the room for random hookups. Lately, at that kind of response, Damien just gives me a weird look and walks away- not this time. This time he has to comment.

He's staring at me intently. "You know, I heard you were a huge player over in Chicago. I'm just not seeing it. What happened, man? You catch something?"

Yeah, feelings. But that's not what he's talking about.

I scoff at his insinuation. "No, I didn't catch anything. Just not feeling it. Focusing on the game."

He eyes me suspiciously but drops the subject. "Okay, bro. Whatever."

With that, he leaves to meet up with his hookup, and I can finally relax. I pick up my phone and contemplate texting Jenna. After ten minutes, I decided against it and instead settled on scrolling through her social media pages. I look through her photos and smile at how happy she looks. I want to be a part of that. I just need to work up the nerve to tell her how I feel.

~

In the next city we travel to, the guys decide they want to check out a popular dance club. I try to decline, but they bust my balls until I give in. I'd much rather just go back to the hotel and watch a movie, but no, I'm being dragged to a packed nightclub that's swimming with puck bunnies and other jersey chasers.