The Pope Of Comber

Chapter 9

Jimmy-Jump, a wee-man, full of tall-tales

The start of the second week mid-morning: The 'Manor- House'

There wasn't much light getting through the windows within the kitchen of the Manor-House.

But nevertheless, it was a truly great atmosphere for a round of impressive story telling from the delivery man. A small crowd gathered around him as he took his place at the table with his tea in one hand he openly gestured the others to sit.

He was a small red faced man with a balding head and a crooked smile.

He looked to be somewhere the other side of fifty. He said his name was Jimmy.

Jimmy seemed to have some kind of physical twitching going on. As every so often he would jump like he had been electrocuted. He seemed unaware of the fits as he talked.

Everyone in the small crowd had questions for him. But he seemed to know all the answers, even before the questions were asked.

With a cheeky smile on his face he looked around his gathered audience not addressing anyone in particular.

Then with a quick little jump in his shoulders he said, 'I suppose yours will want too know more about that big shite Alex and his wee side-kick, Isaac...Hunt? Watch how you say that wee bastards name.'

Everyone in the group laughed. Miss Bell the cook was not impressed showing her disapproval with a sharp intake of breath.

'There are so many stories about them two eejit's I'd be here all day. Do ye know that big bastard Alex tried to become a Free-Presbyterian once.'

There were mutters within the group.

'Well, to cut a long story short. Alex and wee Isaac went up to Belfast one Sunday to Big Paisley's church.

'To think of it' He said, laughter in his voice 'them two dick's in a church. Anyway, all was going well then the big man came on.'

'Paisley' someone shouted.

Still chuckling away to himself, Jimmy nodded.

'You know what? Alex was so excited to finally see his hero that big-man Paisley in the flesh. It just got too much for him. That big shite Alex took some kind of fit, right there and then.

Jimmy was jumping about in his seat so much as he spoke. It looked like he too was taking a fit of some kind.

He fell to the ground like a bag of shite shouting at the top of his voice. Well at first the people around him thought he was taking in tongues.

It happens a lot apparently. But what they didn't know was that big eejit Alex had full-blown 'Tourette's syndrome'.

It didn't take long for them to work out that the talking in tongues wasn't from the big man upstairs. It was in fact coming from that the other wee Devil bastard in the basement.

Paisley, so they said. Went nuts 'GET THAT MAN OUT OF MY CHURCH' he shouted from the pulpit.

A crowd of the church goers managed to drag Alex out by the scuff of the neck. Somebody then must have phoned for an ambulance.

'Well...' Jimmy continued laughing along with the others in the small crowd and violently slapped his own thigh.

'Anyway, that big shite Alex he said can't remember a thing about that night. All he ever used to say was he remembers holding the bible across his chest. The next thing he remembered was wakening up in the hospital bed lying on his flat on his back. But now instead of a bible on his chest there's a bed-pan, sitting on it. Never did find his bible so he stole the hospitals Gideon copy out of the bedside cabinet.'