This is to the boy I'm hopelessly thinking of
I hate you so much,
And not in a way you might think.
I don't hate you because you annoy me,
Or that you bug me,
But it's the way you make me feel sometimes.
The things you say through your actions
Your words
Your smile
Your kindness
All of it is so beautiful
I question how a soul can seem so pure
For a man who has gone through hell
And been back
For a man who has seen me at my highest
And my lowest
And for the man who needed someone to be there for him
When he needed it most
You make me so mad
But not in a negative way
Its the way you know your self worth
But still choose to hang around shit people
You are so kind I wonder if you're real
I stay awake thinking about it
You and your kindness
Especially for someone our age
You make me so happy
Some way nobody else has
I've liked a few people
Dated others
But you outdo them
You bring a whole new light to my eyes
A sign I can't quite find
But maybe I'm not right for your time
I always question how we met
A perfectionist and a fuck up
Meeting a boy who didn't know love
A perfect match up hm?
And I'm not saying you don't know happiness or love
But the things you have had to experience
Could bring anybody to tears
And no tears were shed for you
I wonder why I want to cry
And not in a sad way
But in a way filled with a hurricane of emotions
Sadness, fear, anger
The anger isn't towards you
Its towards those who have wronged you
Those you betrayed your trust
Used your love for granted
I fear one day we will just stop talking
The fear is always there
I don't want to loose you
Not at all
Your my best friend
My other half
My brother from another mother
And yet I can't ever tell you these to your face
I am too nervous to say anything to you about this
Really I am
Im just a friend
And maybe it should be like that
I'm scared to date
Hell I can barely like someone
I haven't done it much
And I have connected with the wrong ones
Later in my school years
That's when I plan to date
Until then we are just friends
Until I can get the courage to ask you.
